ADHD and Clumsy

 

I’ve always been clumsy, uncoordinated.

When I’m putting a clean dish up on the shelf, I often hit the edge of the dish on the shelf. It’s the same if I’m taking a dish off the shelf; I’ll hit it on the shelf or on another dish.

When I reach for a glass, I often nearly knock it over rather than grasping it.

This seems to be a difficulty with spatial perception. It could be that with the bad eye I have no depth perception, but also with ADHD miswiring, and the basal ganglia and cerebellum are involved in making smooth movements. Clumsiness is often associated with ADHD.

It’s always something.

Strategy: be aware of these specific problems, the dish, the glass, and learn to be extra cautious at that time. This is not the same as “be more careful!“ , but needs to be aimed at small specific problems in order to have any effect.

Personal Notes O the Day:

I’m still trying to remember how to do the images on these posts.

Obviously.

doug

 

Weight Control? Control??

I have reached a goal!
I’ve wanted to get my weight down to 166 pounds for years and only occasionally came close. Now, I got it.
The trick of course, is to keep it off. Weight is easy to put on,  very hard to lose and much much harder to keep off. I will try to stick to my program but that hasn’t been that effective so far.
For this accomplishment, I have to give credit to Covid. I haven’t lost my sense of taste thank goodness, but I’ve had no appetite at all. So that’s a side benefit of Covid. It’s effective for weight loss, but I do not recommend it.
It will be interesting to see if I can keep it off now.

Links:

Weight 1

Weight 2

Weight 3

Weight 4

       Notes:

I’m way out of practice on this posting thing.  It’s complicated.  Hopefully, it’ll come back to me.

Nearly done on draft seven of the new book.  Starting to worry about getting a good cover.

Quote O the Day:

Nothing’s every easy.

me

ADHD Doesn’t Stop

In case you’re wondering, yes, I do still have ADHD. Recent examples:
I knocked the laptop off the table top. It didn’t break, but the plug for the adapter did.

I needed to order a new adapter. When it came, it was the wrong size.  I blame the ad..I need to order the right size, and send in the wrong one for a refund. More hassle.

I am editing draft seven of the new ADHD book, intermittently. Each time I restart, I need to relearn the tricks for making word to work right. More about that later

Strategies: listen to the little voice.
If it’s important, read it carefully instead of skimming.
If you will need to remember it, write it down.

doug

 

 

ADHD at work

ADHD is not easy.

An Update

My friends – I hope you’re still my friends. I miss you.

I gave up the blog, and poker, chess, and Spanish because I just didn’t have enough time and my life felt over pressured and out of control. And I gave up writing on the new book. I became obsessed with fishing, and I’ve learned a lot about new techniques and I started catching more fish. That was great.

Then the New Mexico fires came and fishing has been almost impossible, nowhere to fish within a reasonable distance. I was grieving; still am.

But, I now have time available that I’d been spending fishing and I’ve restarted the book and Spanish.

I plan to post an occasional blog here, not on any schedule so I won’t feel any pressure.

There are several ADHD strategies implied in this posst if you want to dig them out.

best wishes, and keep living well

hasta luego

doug

ADHD Key Points — ADHD Tip O the Day 1000

Just a few of the key ADHD points.  There are so many, so many ways to make our lives better, so that we are managing our ADHD and it’s not in control.

Sadly, this is my last post. I want to leave you all with some key points to remember that will be helpful to you.

Science:

1. Science is not perfect, but it’s better than anything else.
2. Correlation is not causation.
3. Unproven is not proven not.
4.  One scientific study does not prove anything.

ADHD:

5. Your ADHD is not your fault. It is not a weakness or a moral flaw.
   ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that you were born with.
6. But you are responsible for educating yourself about ADHD, seeking appropriate help, and learning how to cope.
7. If it is expensive or promises a cure, avoid it.
8.  Many professionals do not understand ADHD, and many of them do not know they do not understand.
9. Everyone deserves a trial of medication, which works for 80% of people with ADHD. If you get any side effects, they can usually be managed; if not, they will go away when you stop it.
10. Genetic testing to decide on medication and brain imaging to diagnose ADHD are not yet ready for clinical use.
11. Living Well with ADHD should be coming out in about a year (“should be”).
12. Your Life Can Be Better.
    
    I will occasionally post something about ADHD on my Facebook page,      and probably will post there and here about the new book as it gets ready.      I appreciate your comments and support over the years and wish you the best of luck.

doug

Grumble O the Day:

For some reason, it seems you now need to clik the view button to see the full comments.  Technology- ugh!  But it’s worth it.

Links:

All about ADHD

You don’t believe in AHD.  Really???

First Tip O the Day

 

Bye bye, now.

 

Your Life Can Be Better

Untreated ADHD

The End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Decrease the Pressure – ADHD Tip O the Day 999

​With my ADHD, I tend to feel pressured all the time.  I don’t like that. I work to avoid that feeling.

1. Limit your to-do list to five items.

2. Cut everything into small steps.

3. Spread your tasks out.

4. Ask “Is this necessary?”  If so, is it urgent?

Additional Tidbits O the Day:

20% of ADHDers hoard.

Other comorbidities:

depression, anxiety, dyslexia, dyspraxia (clumsiness), insomnia,bipolar,dyscalcula, dystechnologica, rejection sensitive dysphoria. Just to name a few.

(meaning, I think, these occur often along with ADHD, and more often than in vanillas.)

A miswired brain is a miswired brain.

 

Writer Doris Lessing on how to choose what to read:

“There is only one way to read, which is to browse in libraries and bookshops, picking up books that attract you, reading only those, dropping them when they bore you, skipping the parts that drag – and never, never reading anything because you feel you ought, or because it is part of a trend or a movement. Remember that the book which bores you when you are twenty or thirty will open doors for you when you are forty or fifty-and vise versa. Don’t read a book out of its right time for you.”

Source: The Golden Notebook

Links:

How to change a habit

Strategies and habits

Pressure

 

 

Quotes O the Day:

“You can’t go wrong with flowers, gold, or diamonds.”

my wife

“Bigger pile, smaller shovel.”

Someone who is getting older.

Personal note O the Day:

This is my next to last post.  I’m trying to think of what to post for Tip number 1000.  It ought to be special, spectacular.  I considered posting a nude selfie but my wife said she didn’t think it would go over well.

Too Much Pressure!

 

Ha ha ha!

 

Short Term Goals

 

The ADHD Mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

More ADHD Research and Etc.— ADHD Tip O the Day 998

On ADHD and relationships, medications, comorbidity, statistics, and etc.: 

My wife said I should post about the most recent disaster, but no, I’m not going to describe the incident where I merely sat down on the sofa next to the bowl of popcorn and somehow it ‘exploded’ and the popcorn went, as my wife says “everywhere.” We sure had a good time trying to get it all up, not.

Tip:  Don’t sit down next to popcorn?

More Damn Statistics:

8% of children have ADHD. Half of those no longer meet criteria after adolescence, but will still have some symptoms and some brain abnormalities, which have moved towards normalized. So 4% of adults have ADHD, ie.  meet criteria.

8% of people with ADHD have bipolar. 16% of people with bipolar also have ADHD (fortunately and surprisingly, treating these people with stimulants does not appear to be unstabilizing for their bipolar). Can we calculate how many ADHDers have both? Can we calculate what percentage of the population have both? (Actually, not “we,” but “you”.  I can’t.  Plus, note that these percents vary in different studies.)

40% of ADHDers do well on either methylphenidate or amphetamines. 40% will do well on one but not on the other. 20% will not do well on either but might respond to a non-stimulant medication, which tend to be less effective than the stimulants. (If someone does not do well on stimulants, I always want to recheck the diagnosis.)

To illustrate combinations, as discussed in the previous post:
You have an apple, a pear, and an orange. You say I may have any two of them.
I could choose an apple and a pear, or an apple and an orange, or a pear and an orange. Three possible combinations out of a group of three.

OK, we’re all clear on that now. Right?

doug

Personal Note O the Day:

I always wanted to be on the fast track, and now, finally, I am.
I just never realized that the fast track runs downhill.

My wife says that things happen when I’m around.  ADHD?  Karma?

From James Clear:

“Marrying well makes everything easier.”

“Charity can be a lifestyle, not merely a gift.

Read charitably. Give the author your most favorable interpretation.

Listen charitably. Donate your undivided attention.

Work charitably. Be generous with your expertise.

In this way, you make charity a daily habit.”

​Links:

https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-diagnosis-treatment-guidelines/

 ADHD and Marriage (adhdmarriage.com)

ADHD and Comorbidity

Note O the Day:  I first published this with the title of 988 instead of 998.  More of the same?

 

And another year passed.

ADHD Ain’t Easy

Aging is a booger.

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Combinations and ADHD Symptoms — ADHD Tip O the Day 997

I’ve been “putting off” doing this post for years now because it’s confusing to me.  But it’s time, now or never.

Ever wonder why we ADHDers look so much alike?-Procrastination, distraction, impulsive, etc, but also we can look so different.

Well, we can blame it on genetics; so many different genes can contribute to ADHD so there are many different possible combinations of different genes with somewhat different effects.

Or we can blame it on the DSM, which says we can one of three different types, and combinations of different symptoms, that will qualify us for the official diagnosis- out of 16 possible symptoms, 5 of hyperactive or 5 of inattentive required for adults (6 for children)(you  have the mixed type if you qualify for both types. We all have some hyperactive or some inattentive symptoms, and most of us have some of both)

Or we can blame it on statistics.  Statistics are a booger.

Combinations

Below is the formula for calculating the number of possible different combinations of a number of items (such as the symptoms in a list.)

For either the hyper active or inattentive types, there are 4368 possible combinations  (IF I did it right)

C = n!/r! (n-r)!

n =total number   r = number of each group  ! means factorial   (4! = 1 x 2 x 3 x 4)

n = 16  r = 5  for our diagnosis

To summarize, there are 4368 different groups of symptoms that can meet the criteria for ADHD diagnosis.

I am so glad to finally get this post done.  I welcome any corrections or other comments.

doug

Links:

Wisdom from James Clear

DSM V

combinations and permutations

Personal Notes O the Day:

Just a few more of these blogs; ADHD Tip O the Day1000 will be the last.  I’m pulling the best of them together in the next ADHD book and I might occasionally post a tip on my facebook page.

It’s hard to cut out things I like to do so I can have some free time, and it’s hard not to immediately find new ways to fill up the free time.  Working 0n it.

Quote O the Day:

There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can’t.

 

Who, me?

yep!

I just retired!

See, math isn’t so hard.

Taking It Easy? — ADHD Tip O the Day 996

An ADHD Strategy:

When you need to get something done but can’t dig up the energy, see if you can find an easy way out.

Here’s a bunch of quotes for today.

“Your first step is just that: the first of many steps. For so long I would stand still, afraid to move in any direction because I wasn’t sure which was the course I wanted to follow for the rest of my life. Finally, someone explained to me that my first steps did not necessarily determine one path for all my tomorrows. There would be more decisions, and more opportunities to make a shift should I need to do so.”

Writer Ashley C. Ford

 

“It is important to remember that the viciousness and wrongs of life stick out very plainly but that even at the worst times there is a great deal of goodness, kindness, and day-to-day decency that goes unnoticed and makes no headlines.”

Isaac Asimov

 

People live in a wind tunnel of information frequently lacking accuracy and transparency.”
Vivian Pender MD

 

“If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.”
      One of my favorite quotes.

It can’t all be in the front.”
      One of my wife’s favorite quotes (regarding the refrigerator).

doug

Links:

Great article on ADHD in a relationship (or a marriage, as they used to be called).

Taking it easier

And that’s enough links for today!

Good Advice

I’m not gonna worry about it.

 

-and before I decided to slow down.

I’m taking it easy.

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

 

Pain and ADHD — ADHD Tip O the Day 995

We ADHDers tend to be hypersensitive. For example, to certain noises, to feelings of rejection, etc. So it makes sense that we might be hypersensitive to pain. I just wasn’t aware of this before. But I have had struggles with pain.

I’ve found the following helpful:

Alternating heat and cold.

CBD creams – very effective

tylenol plus ibuprofin.  (Cox 2 selective NSAIDs have lower 

 incidence of side effects, but expensive)

Bengay, Icey Hot, or other heating salves.  (caprision reported to have good effect)

Lidocaine patches

I was extremely reluctant to have back surgery but it was extremely successful. 

Epidural steroid injections, but only when I was younger.

Try to avoid narcotics except short term after surgery or injury.

doug

 

Long study – we have more pain and more fatigue

Hypersensitivity

Personal Notes O the Day:

I took a break after publishing Alma Means Soul, my first novel.   I’ve started writing again, partly because many days it’s too cold to fish.  My working title is Living Well with ADHD.  Suggestions are welcome.

I reluctantly and sadly plan to make Tip 1000 the last on this website.  I do not have the time and am pruning several activities.  I probably will post an occasional tip on my face book page.  I’m grateful for your support and participation over the years.

OUCH!!

 

People are incredible.

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

 

Who’s in charge here?

Marriage/relationships and ADHD follow up — ADHD Tip O the Day 994

Relationships are very complicated, especially if someone has ADHD

I love pens.
I have a lot of pens.
My wife says I hoard pens.

She says I should go through all of my pens and throw away the ones that don’t work.

I have two to do lists, the short one of five, and the long one at 24.

Testing all of my pens and throwing out those that don’t work has not yet reached the level of importance to make it onto a to do list. For example, it can’t compete with the need to pay the taxes, to clean the aquarium, to set up my new fishing rod, to do my blog for the week, to write one of my children, or to vote.

But maybe someday.

My wife finds this hard to understand.

doug

 

Strategies Of the Day:

1. Set priorities
2. Marry someone with patience, tolerance, and flexibility
3. Share The ADHD Effect on Marriage, by Melov       Link

Quotes O the Day:

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce (which has a very high rate if there’s ADHD).

Unknown Cynic

Love is state of temporary insanity, easily cured by marriage.

Mencken

Links:  (clik on title, then on address)

Webinar on motivation Feb 9      

From Melov – emotions

Relationships and ADHD

ADHD and Other Kind of Relationships

The Challenge of Relationships

 

True Love Can Be Complicated by ADHD

 

 

A Complaint

 

From Secrets of a Successful Marriage

 

Oh my! Life with an ADHDer.

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

New Year’s Resolutions — ADHD Tip O the Day 993

Belated Happy New Year to each of you (happy in spite of our ADHD).

I don’t like making resolutions; they just set me up for disappointment and shame.

But this year I made some:

1. Lose weight (right, sure) and this time, keep it off (uh huh).
2. Keep my blog posts short (but I have so much to say).
3. Be nicer and more attentive to my wife ( I hope she doesn’t throw this back at me later).
4. Relax more.  I don’t need pressure.

Personal Note O the Day:

I may have procrastinated a little on this one.

Links:

Goals and Failing

ADHD and Goals

ADHD and Self Esteem

Declutter Your Brain – free class

 

It’s Gotta Be Better!

More resolutions

And because you never know what’s going to happen.

 

 

I really meant to post this post in time.

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

An Important ADHD Strategy — ADHD Tip O the Day 992

 

Small steps explained ( I don’t think the recent review was adequate)

We have A Project to do.

We feel overwhelmed, not up to it, defeated before we start, and we procrastinate.

The strategy is Small Steps.  Break the project or task into small steps and focus on one at a time – basically forget about the project, just focus on the one step.  If it’s still too much, break that step into smaller steps and start over again.

Start with the logical first step, or with the hardest.  Once the hardest one is done, it won’t seem overwhelming anymore.

Any time you finish a small step, you feel empowered, successful, capable, and it’s easier to go on to the next step.

Success breeds success.

doug

Links:

One step at a time

Get unstuck

Overwhelmed

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

Overwhelmed

 

Just adjust.

Were you waiting on me?

Life with ADHD

Three Most Important ADHD Principles —ADHD Tip O the Day 991

Enough Already!

New Year: time for a brief review

Three most important ADHD Principles:

1. Identify a Problem, devise a strategy, make it a habit.

  2. Small steps.

  3. Do it now, do it right, do the hard part first. (After you break it into small steps.)

Have a great New Year – it’s gotta be better.

doug

Links:

Identify A Problem

Small steps

Do the hard part first      

Free program- help to manage your time  Jan 3

Free Webinar – overwhelmed?  Jan 6 and Jan 8

Webinar on inattentive type ADHD   Jan 10

 

Note: A new Facebook ad says, “ADHD is hard to diagnose.”  I comment, ” ADHD is not hard to diagnose.”  They keep deleting my comment.  I missed a lot of ADHD diagnoses because I wasn’t looking for it, not because it’s hard to diagnose.

Enough already!

Let’s forget the past two years anyway.

 

Starting fresh

 

And another year passed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

 

Constructive Arguing— ADHD Tip O Day 990

Constructive Arguing:

Arguments are a normal and unavoidable part of almost all marriages (intimate relationships).  The trick is to make them productive instead of destructive, and to have them not too often nor too intensively, and to get over them fairly rapidly.  These principles will help achieve that.  They’re not easy to apply but with determined effort can become new habits.

The very best arguments start, “We have a problem that we need to work on so that we can find a solution that will work for both of us.” At best, this doesn’t ever actually become an argument.

1. Keep on the topic, one topic at a time. – if your SO (significant other) says, “But you’re so selfish.”—, you might reply, “That may be so and we may need to discuss it, but right now we’re discussing —-.”
2. Keep the focus on the present instance — not “You always—”, or “For years you have –”, but “When you did x this morning, —–“, instead of bringing up a list of past offenses.
3. That is a good formula for bringing up issues : “I feel x when you y, because z”.  This is a bit artificial but well worth it.
4. Avoid bringing up you SO’s family, unless that is the issue under consideration (Yes: “I do not want to go visit your mother with you this weekend.”  No: “You are acting just like your mother.”       No: “Your mother is a x, y, and z, and she’s ugly, too.”  In general, it’s best to avoid saying anything negative about any of your SO’s family; that’s your SO’s prerogative.
5. Avoid name calling or labeling –lazy, stubborn, etc. instead, “I don’t like it when you—“ versus labeling it.
6. Speak in paragraphs and not chapters. Try not to interrupt.
7. Do not psychoanalyze your SO.
8. Have an agreed upon safe word, to temporarily disengage if the discussion is getting too hot.  Use it before it gets too hot.

Relationships are difficult, and of course, more so with AHD.  Hope this helps.

doug

Note of the Day:  The holidays stress relationships, so this may be good timing.  Hope you all had a great christmas or whatever and wish you the best of a new year- honestly, it looks shaky I fear.

Quotes O the Day:

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I’m not arguing with you, I’m just trying to help you see why you’re wrong.

Links:

Living together with ADHD

How to Stop Losing Things with ADHD: 6 Expert Tips (additudemag.com) – this will reduce stress in your life and in your relationship

Perfectionism – is common with ADHD and also adds to the stress

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Marriage and ADHD. Even Possible?

Marital Conversations

An ADHD Marriage

 

Having a good argument

messed up web site

Marriage- Part Three — ADHD Tip O the Day 988

I need ADHD help! Now!

With ADHD , everything is much harder, especially relationships.

We disappoint, forget, let down. We get preoccupied, don’t finish, don’t get started.  We blurt out, do and say socially inappropriate things.  We run into things, knock things over, drop things. Whew!

Do you think we might be hard to live with? 

Out of date stero types:  man brings home the bacon, woman takes care of the house and raises the children, (all by herself).  This is changing and the men in recent generations do much better.  (Way to go, Will!)

If you got along well before marriage, that doesn’t mean you’ll get along well after marriage.  If you didn’t get along well before marriage, it’s highly unlikely you’ll get along well after.  If you marry thinking the person will change you may be right, but it’s unlikely to be for the better.

Once we end a marriage or relationship, we often find someone else who turns out to be pretty much like the one we just left, and we have the same problems.

If it bothers your partner, it is a problem even if it doesn’t make sense. You do not want your partner to be bothered.

Try to remember to treat your partner with kindness and respect. Even when it is difficult.

Get counseling. A neutral third-party can be can make the difference.

doug

Story O the Day:

TV show years ago: Host interviewing couple with many years of marriage, “What’s your secret?”

Husband:  “When we first married, we agreed that I would make the big decisions and she’d make the small decisions. We haven’t had any big decisions yet.”

Constructive arguing rules – very important.  “Plan” to post next time.

Three Quotes O the Day:

We’re all crazy, except me and you, and sometimes I’m not so sure about you.

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

       Ann Lamott

The only thing worse than being married is not being married.

Personal Notes O the Day:

It was actually my wife who suggested my first strategy, “Always put your keys on the front table,” which started off my understanding of and devising of strategies. She was tired of finding them for me.

If I did all the things I’m supposed to do for my health I’d have no time to do anything else.

Help!  Mrs. P is requesting suggestions for funny books, movies, etc.  Any suggestions would be welcome.

Links:

If you love me,–

“How RSD affects my marriage”

Is it possible?

Relationship

 

Shhhhh!

 

The ADHD Mind

 

 

Adult ADHD Revisited — ADHD Tip O the Day 987

My ADHD Brain at Rest

A break from the relationship posts, but more to come.

The Am. Psychiatric Assoc. is revising the DSM V, including the criteria for diagnosing ADHD.  Many changes are recommended.  The current criteria were written for children and tweaked to apply to adults.  The new edition, DSM V TR, is scheduled for release in March, 2022.

Using current criteria, research still shows about 8% of children have ADHD, half of whom no longer meet criteria after adolescence, but still have some symptoms and abnormal brain imaging and neurochemistry.  So we members are the tribe are different, but there are a lot of us, 4 % of the population.  If the criteria are changed, these numbers will probably change but I doubt if by much. 

The link below addresses the inadequacy of current criteria for adults and suggested changes.

 Link:

Suggestions for  ADHD Criteria

Welcome to the new members to the tribe!

doug

Other Links:

Diagnosis 

Adult ADHD

Comprehensive Review of ADHD in Adults

 

“No, I don’t like to put medicines into my body.”

-and before my ADHD medication.

Untreated ADHD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Marriage/Relationships? Part Two— ADHD Tip O the Day 986

Marriage part two

Throughout this series, I use “marriage” “to stand for “marriage and/or relationships.” I understand that marriage is becoming increasingly rare.

ADHD and marriage: 

Marriage is hard.  With ADHD it’s much harder, especially for the non ADHD partner.  Read Orlov’s book, The ADHD Effect On Marriage, and discuss it together.  How can your partner help you?  Problem solve and devise strategies together.

Effects of Marrying (or committing I guess?):

It’s amazing how many couples do well until they get married.

People are on their best behavior before marriage, then boom! Expectations and behaviors dramatically change.

In love, we project our image of the ideal mate onto the other, like putting a suit of clothes on a dummy.  When later we see the real person, we feel swindled, cheated, and resentful.,

We marry with expectations, and when they’re not met, we immediately think of divorce.  We did not expect that marriage would be hard work or that there would be conflicts.

An intimate relationship stirs up our old issues and gives us the opportunity to work them out. Or causes us to bail if we don’t know how to deal with conflicts.

Marriage counseling can be very helpful, and sometimes leads to individual therapy, which can be very helpful.  So can an ADHD coach.

Men and women are different. The stereotypes have variable accuracy but tend to be true.  If your partner doesn’t fit the stereotype, learn their style.

Understanding the different styles  gives you a foundation for learning how to have successful relationships.

Men tend to work on logic, competition, and problem-solving.  They retreat and think until they think they have a solution.
Women tend to work on emotions and relationships. They express their thoughts to try them out.

Emotions are as valid as logic or facts. “I don’t want to” is a legitimate reason.  Do not try to refute emotions with facts. If she says, “You always do X,” don’t point out that you’ve only done it twice in the last ten years; she is expressing her reality.

She probably didn’t want advice; she just wanted you to listen. If you want advice, specifically ask for it before you tell him the problem.

Women usually have to teach a man how to be married, don’t expect him to know.

Safe Word:

This from Ram:  It is useful to agree on a safe word, and either person can use it to temporarily pause a conversation that is getting too hot.  But you need to agree to return to the conversation when things are cooler.

Surprise O the Day:

Marriage is hard work.  Most people expect automatic marital bliss.  Ha!

A Course in Relationships: these books will give you a huge advantage in having successful relationships.

Real: I Don’t Want to Talk About It – explains men. It’s about abused men, but he says all men in our culture are abused.

Lerner: The Dance of Anger – addressed to women, but appropriate for us all. Lerner has several other helpful books.

Tannen: You Just Don’t Understand – explains the differences in how men and women communicate.

Gray: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus – explains the differences and how they cause many of our relationship problems.

again: Orlov: The ADHD Effect On Marriage

Link:

Marriage, relationships, and ADHD

Coming Next:

How to argue constructively

doug

Quote O the Day:

The only thing worse than being married is not being married.

 

You’re getting married!!

Oh my!

A Complaint

ADHD Marriage

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Marriage and Other Strange Relationships, Part 1 — ADHD Tip O the Day 985

Relationships are so complicated, even without ADHD, that this will take two or more posts.  And with ADHD – Whew!!

We marry with expectations of what our marriage will be like.  Generally, we expect our marriage to either be like our parents’ marriage or very unlike it.  These expectations need to be examined before the marriage, because they are likely very different for each partner..

I recommend the essential discussion before marriage, covering money, spare time, relatives, children, religion,  and sex.

Also, discuss how  decisions will be made and disagreements handled. Avoid the  zero sum game, where there’s a winner and a loser.  Instead, use a problem solving model – ‘How can we make this work for both of us?’

When it’s hot, stop.  Agree we will talk about this later, but just not right now.  Give it time to cool off, and then discuss it rather than just letting it go.

Many conflicts and arguments are simply a problem of communication.  Often a word doesn’t mean the same thing to us.  Ex: “Yes, I’m ready to go now” means something very different to my wife than to me. 

Another common source of conflict is both parties being sure their memories are accurate, although our memories are notoriously inaccurate.

It is common for a woman to marry a man, expecting to change him. Not a good idea.  It is common for a man to marry a woman, expecting to be pampered.  Not a good idea.

Quote O the Day:

“You can’t be married and be right.”

Frank Pitman MD

Note: In this series, I’m using “marriage” to mean both marriage and other relationships.  I’m aware that traditional marriage is becoming obsolete.

Follow up on How to Be Happy:

Never expect someone else to do what they’re supposed to do, should do, or said they would do. This will save you a lot of disappointment and yield  you an occasional happy surprise

Bonus Quote O the Day:

“Love is a state of temporary psychosis, easily cured by marriage.”

Mencken

Links:

Orlov on Detachment

ADHD and Relationships

The Challenge of ADHD Relationships

Dr. Wm. Dodson on ADHD and Relationships

Personal Notes O the Day:

1. Thank you to all the subscribers, and especially to those of you who contribute your comments.  So helpful.
2. Thank you to Martha for sticking with me all these years in spite of my ADHD.

 

The wedding is only the beginning.

An ADHD Marriage

Marriage and ADHD. Even Possible?

Marital Conversations

How to Be Happy — ADHD Tip O the Day 983

It can be hard to be happy, especially these days, and harder with ADHD.  But-

Affirmations:  Every morning, state, “I choose to be happy today.”

Learn  to cope with your ADHD.

Minimize contact with toxic people.

Help someone else.

Get outdoors.

Laugh a lot, even if you have to force it.

If you work, find a job that you enjoy.  This may take some time.  The pay, if adequate, may be less important.

If you have an actual depression, get treatment.  It is quite effective.

Practice basic self care: sleep, exercise, healthy eating, meditation.

Ask for help when you need it.

Counter negative self talk.

Set reasonable goals.

There are many other tips in the links below.  Try them. Find the ones that work for you.

doug

Personal Notes O the Day:

1. My father was a very simple man, with very simple wants.  All he wanted was a whole lot of money.
2. FYI, I am happy.  Hope you are too.
3. My spiritual life is an important happiness factor for me.
4. Perception is an important tool.  You have some control over how you label or define a situation (see reframing.)

Links:

Be Happy – free course

25 Tips to be happy

10 Scientifically Proven Tips

Goals

 

Be happy even with ADHD.

I need ADHD help! Now!

Sometimes ADHD confuses me?

Shame and ADHD

How to Make Decisions — ADHD Tip O the Day 982

With ADHD we have trouble making choices and decisions.

1. Do I really need to make this decision?
2. Does it matter?- is it worth the the time and effort?
3. Does it have to be me?
4. Gather data
5. List pros and cons
6.  Consult with others- not to follow their advice, but ask them their reasoning, to get another viewpoint
7. If you still don’t know, then there is no right answer.  Flip a coin.

doug

Note: if things turn out badly, it doesn’t mean you were wrong (if you followed the steps).  It means there was no way to know.

#ADHD #ADD @dougmkpdp

Shhhhh!

Why I can’t sleep

An ADHD question – What????

Many ADHD Links, Many Choices — ADHD Tip O the 981

 

We ADHD ers have difficulty making choices.

I’ve collected too many links, so I’m going to dump them now.  You pick and choose.  It’s up to you now.

Doug

Links:

 

Outgrow ADHD?

 

Ages and stages of ADHD

 

Struggles of ADHD

 

Breathing

 

Math anxiety and dyscalcula

 

Touch when words won’t come

 

More ADHD struggles

 

ADHD Impulsitivity

5 Most Important ADHD Tips

 

Personal Notes O the Day:

1. I was 64 years old when I realized that I have ADHD, and of course, had had it all my life. That explained so many things. I also realized that many of the things I did out of habit or routine were actually strategies to help me cope with my ADHD. Since then, I’ve focused on making new strategies and refining the old ones. It’s a continuing process and  has made my life much better. Also, after trying Ritalin and having some mild side effects, I switched to Daytrana, Ritalin in a skin patch, and it works very well for me.

I’m a big fan of strategies and have written two ADHD books: Your Life Can Be Better, using strategies for adult ADHD, and Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD: 365 Tips O the Day

An ADHD expert, Dr. William Dodson, says that the purpose of the medication is to help us focus enough to use the strategies.

2. I’ve said it  before, multiple times in fact, but it bears repeating:

Our whirlpool refrigerator works fine.  The only thing wrong with it is the ice system.  The only thing wrong with the ice system is that it’s a total piece of crap.

3. Ventilating is said to be helpful in dealing with frustration.

Question O the Day:

Do any members want an explanation about DSM?

Helpful Note O the Day:

The memes are all there below the big DSM ad.  You can just scroll down.

 

Bonus Note O the Day:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR™)

View Product

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), is the most comprehensive, current, and critical resource for clinical practice available to today’s mental health clinicians and researchers. DSM-5-TR includes the fully revised text and references, updated diagnostic criteria and ICD-10-CM codes since DSM-5 was published in 2013. It features a new disorder, Prolonged Grief Disorder, as well as codes for suicidal behavior available to all clinicians of any discipline without the requirement of any other diagnosis.

With contributions from over 200 subject matter experts, this updated volume boasts the most current text updates based on the scientific literature. Now in four-color and with the ability to authenticate each printed copy, DSM-5-TR provides a cohesive, updated presentation of criteria, diagnostic codes, and text. This latest volume offers a common language for clinicians involved in the diagnosis and study of mental disorders and facilitates an objective assessment of symptom presentations across a variety of clinical settings—inpatient, outpatient, partial hospital, consultation-liaison, clinical, private practice, and primary care.

Stay current with these important updates in DSM-5-TR:

• Fully revised text for each disorder with updated sections on associated features, prevalence, development and course, risk and prognostic factors, culture, diagnostic markers, suicide, differential diagnosis, and more.
• Addition of Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) to Section II—a new disorder for diagnosis
• Over 70 modified criteria sets with helpful clarifications since publication of DSM-5
• Fully updated Introduction and Use of the Manual to guide usage and provide context for important terminology
• Considerations of the impact of racism and discrimination on mental disorders integrated into the text
• New codes to flag and monitor suicidal behavior, available to all clinicians of any discipline and without the requirement of any other diagnosis
• Fully updated ICD-10-CM codes implemented since 2013, including over 50 coding updates new to DSM-5-TR for substance intoxication and withdrawal and other disorders
• Updated and redesigned Diagnostic Classification

This manual is a valuable resource for other physicians and health professionals, including psychologists, counselors, nurses, and occupational and rehabilitation therapists, as well as social workers and forensic and legal specialists. The new DSM-5-TR is the most definitive resource for the diagnosis and classification of mental disorders.

Coming March 2022!

 

My ADHD mind

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

Non Stimulant ADHD Meds — ADHD Tip O the Day 980

While stimulants are  the first choice of medication used to treat attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), there are many non-stimulant medications that may be used.

Statistically, stimulants are more effective, 85 % of ADHD ers. Straterra (atomoxetine), has the best response rate of the non-stimulants, 50%.  In my opinion, the non-stimulants have a higher rate of side effects than the stimulants (this is controversial).

Non-stimulants may be used if:

• You do not respond to stimulants
• Side effects of stimulants are too great.
• You have a history of drug abuse. (Some lists include heart conditions and Bipolar, but this is not supported by the evidence. The anti depressant non-stimulants are contraindicated in Bipolar.)

Non-stimulant medications include antidepressants -Strattera, tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs), Effexor, Wellbutrin – and some high blood pressure medicines. Of these, Strattera has been studied most extensively. The antidepressants can improve overall concentration and impulse control, but must be taken daily and may take 3-6 weeks to notice effectiveness. Some also have a problem with withdrawal, sometimes even if a dose is missed.

In 2021, the FDA approved another non-stimulant for the treatment of ADHD in children and adolescents called Qelbree (viloxazine). 

Qelbree and Strattera are both antidepressants, selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors.

In my opinion, the anti-hypertensives work mostly by reducing anxiety, which can make ADHD symptoms worse.

Notes: 

1. Every person is unique, and may respond differently to any medication or other treatment.
2. The non medication treatments, including supplements, have very low response rates for ADHD, are not regulated in their manufacture and therefore can be dangerous, and help some people somewhat. They can supplement the more effective medications.
3. A  list of “side effects” for any medication is actually a list of possible side effects.  You probably won’t get them with most medications, and if you do, they can be managed or you can simply stop the medication.

 

Many Links:

October is ADHD Awareness Month – special events

• You do not respond to stimulants (link)

ADHD TREATMENT

 

• ADHD Medication & Treatment
•  
• ADHD Medications

NONSTIMULANTS

Stimulant vs. Non-Stimulant ADHD Medication 

 

Below is detailed information on the various non-stimulants. But first, the cartoons.

 

-and before my ADHD medication.

 

 

“No, I don’t like to put medicines into my body.”

 

I do better on my meds. Somewhat.

Strattera

Strattera (atomoxetine) is the first non-stimulant medication to be approved by the FDA for the treatment of ADHD in adults and children over the age of 6. Studies have found that this drug improves symptoms of ADHD and reduces oppositional and defiant behavior and anxiety. Strattera differs from stimulant medications in several ways:

 

• It’s not classified as a controlled substance. It does not seem to have a potential for abuse and thus is not classified as a controlled substance.
• It takes longer to start working. It also appears to have a longer onset of action as compared to stimulants, which work on the day they are taken. Therefore, the therapeutic effect of stimulants may be noticed more quickly than Strattera.
• It must be taken daily. Strattera must be taken every day, whereas doses of stimulants may be skipped—over the weekend, for example.
• and it’s very expensive.

Side effects of atomoxetine may include:

• Stomachaches
• Weight loss due to decreased appetite
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Dizziness
• Fatigue
• Dry mouth
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure
• Agitation
• Irritability

Tricyclic Antidepressants

Tricyclic antidepressants may be used off-label in the treatment of ADHD. The most frequently used for this are:

 

• Norpramin (desipramine)
• Tofranil (imipramine)
• Pamelor (nortriptyline)
• Amitriptyline

These antidepressants  may also be prescribed if you have symptoms of depression or anxiety in addition to ADHD.  They have a higher incidence of side effects.

TCAs, like stimulants, are thought to increase the amount of norepinephrine in the brain. Unlike stimulants, it may take several days or even weeks to see the therapeutic benefits of TCAs.

Tricyclic antidepressants need to be taken daily. Missing a dose or stopping the medicine abruptly may cause aches and flu-like symptoms, so if you’re going to go off the medication, you should be tapered off gradually over a period of time.

Common side effects of TCAs may include:

• Drowsiness
• Dry mouth
• Constipation
• Blurred vision
• Stomachaches
• Headaches
• Vivid dreams
• Insomnia

 

More serious side effects of tricyclic antidepressants may include problems with heartbeat or heart rhythm and  may also increase the risk of seizures in patients with a history of seizure disorder.

Anti-Hypertensive Drugs

In addition to the above drugs, Catapres (clonidine) and Tenex (guanfacine) are sometimes used to help manage ADHD symptoms. While these short-acting forms of each drug are not FDA-approved to treat ADHD, the long-acting versions, Kapvay (clonidine) and Intuniv (guanfacine) are. Both these medicines were originally used to treat high blood pressure, but they have also been found to be helpful in reducing hyperactivity and impulsive symptoms. These medicines do not appear to be as effective in improving symptoms of inattention. 

Side effects of clonidine and/or guanfacine may include:

 

• Drowsiness
• Fatigue
• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Decreased blood pressure
• Stomach pain
• Insomnia
• Dry mouth 

Qelbree

Common side effects of Qelbree include:

 

• Somnolence, or tiredness
• Decreased appetite
• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Insomnia
• Irritability

 

Wellbutrin

Wellbutrin (bupropion) is a different type of antidepressant that has been found to reduce symptoms of ADHD and depression in many patients. Wellbutrin is not approved by the FDA to treat ADHD but may be prescribed off-label. It’s considered a third-line option. Unlike the other antidepressants, it also affects dopamine.

Side effects of Wellbutrin may include:

 

• Irritability
• Weight loss due to decreased appetite
• Insomnia
• Worsening of existing tics
• May make some individuals more prone to seizures

 

 

Effexor

Effexor (venlafaxine) is an antidepressant sometimes used off-label to treat ADHD.10 It helps with concentration and mood.  It has a high incidence of side effects and a more serious withdrawal problem.

Side effects of Effexor can include:

• Tremor
• Sleep issues
• Dry mouth
• Sexual problems 
• Nausea
• Anxiety

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

 

 

 

“New” ADHD Science — ADHD Tip O the Day 979

ADHD research continues. That’s good. 

There’s actually not much that’s very new, but:

The new DSM V Tr is due out March 2022.  I’ll try to find out what it will change about ADHD diagnosis, but that’s probably not available yet.

New Research:

Do children outgrow ADHD?  

A lot depends on your definitions of “have” and “outgrow”.  I don’t agree with everything in the above article, but most of it.

About 8% of US kids have ADHD, about half of those will no longer meet the criteria for the diagnosis after adolescence, but many of those adults will still have some symptoms, and their brains have become more normal but not entirely so.

Can we predict the best choice of treatment for a given person?

41% respond to both amphetamines (Adderall and others), 28 % respond better to amphetamines, 16% better to methylphenidate (Ritalin and others), and 15% to neither (which suggests the diagnosis needs to be reaffirmed). We can’t yet predict who will respond best to what. Methylphenidate has better acceptability and is the first choice. The stimulants statistically work better than the non stimulants (atomoxetine, guanfacine, clonidine, viloxazine) although every person is different.

The recommendations are before age six, use behavioral therapy and family counseling, then add medications at or after age six, with Ritalin being the best choice.  I believe that every child (and every person) with ADHD deserves a trial of medications.  It can make a huge difference.

White Matter   White Matter #2

White matter (the connecting “wires” in the brain) abnormalities were similar in ADHD and in autism.  Variation in these abnormalities were thought to explain the variation in symptoms among us.

Certain networks (areas of the brain all connected by white matter) become more normal with stimulant treatment.  The less abnormal they were, the better the chance of a good response.

Sluggish cognitive tempo

I never heard of this before.

Personal Notes O the Day:

1. Welcome to the new members of our tribe.
2. That’s enough for today.  There’s more to come.
3. Also, I keep planning to do a post on the non-stimulant medications.
4. I don’t always wind up doing what I plan to.

doug

The ADHD Mind

ADHD Brain

Off my med.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

What to do about my forgetfulness and absentmindfullness? — ADHD Tip O the Day 975

Answering this question about ADHD:

This is an example of accepting that you can’t change something, but you can make strategies to help you cope with it. (But medication might help somewhat.)

1. Write everything down on a card, folded paper, or notebook, that you have with you at all times, and never leave it in another place. Or put it in your smartphone.                  (Write legibly.)

2. Use smartphone apps – calendar, alarms,etc.

3. Post colored stickeys on mirror, cabinet, refrigerator, etc. Move them often.

4. For very important things, also ask someone to remind you. (Someone without ADHD.)

good luck.

Links:

Productivity

Get Organized (??)

ADHD Toolbox

ADHD and Self Talk

 

Personal Note O the Day:

“Oh, I’ll remember that.”

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

 

Poem of the day:

I stopped what I was doing

and stood and looked out the window.

That’s when I saw the hummingbird.

 

Being Productive with ADHD

Focus??

I forgot!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

 

 

 

Frustrated and Overwhelmed — ADHD Tip O the Day 974

A couple of weeks ago, I just gave up, just for the week.  I didn’t post, and lots of other things I let go.  Some weeks are like that with ADHD, although fortunately, it’s usually just a day, not a week.

My wife’s i phone stopped working.  Then the internet connections on her i pad and mine got all mixed up together.  

I tried to fix them, in spite of my dystechnologica.  I finally did. After lots of time and frustration.

Then my pc and my laptop went kerfluey, both at the same time. After a lot of time and frustration, I gave up and took them to the shop ($$$).  Two days later they said the lap top was irreparable and the PC problem was a microsoft glitch that was being fixed.  I was four days without a connection – it was hard.

Spent twice as much on a new laptop as I  intended, good saleswoman.

Now the xfinity tv programming isn’t working right.  Haven’t been able to fix it.

My novel, Alma Means Soul, isn’t selling well.  I wasn’t expecting a runaway bestseller, but still –.  Then I noticed that Amazon shows it with the categories of children’s books and religious books.  Arggghh!!  I’ve been bouncing back and forth for a week between Amazon support and KDP support – guess what.  Time and frustration and they tell me it can’t be fixed.

Took a break and went fishing.  Not a single hit, just a lot of algae on my hook with every cast.

Poor me. But when I stop and think about it, we don’t have covid, we’re not trapped in Afghanistan, I can pay for the laptop.  It’s not so bad.

Tips:

1. It’s important to know when to give up.
2. Sometimes you need to just take a break.

doug

 

It’s all wrong!

 

Me and my computer – a strange love affair.

 

Personal Note O the Day:  I cleaned the river 9/2 2021!  Yea, me! 

 

Clean River

 

Links:

ADHD Song    (start at :50, i don’t have the patience for 50 seconds of crap).

Good summary of ADHD, maybe share with the uninformed.  by thomas perth.

Bad ADHD Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Procrastinating or Pushing Ahead? — ADHD Tip O the Day 971

Overwhelmed is common with ADHD but strategies can help.

The same is true for procrastination.

I took on the task of clearing the trash in our stretch of the Santa Fe “river“ (even calling it a creek is an exaggeration but I love it).  Every week or two I put on my big rubber boots and go down there and fill up  a trash bag.

Last week this was on my to do list, but I was feeling overwhelmed. There’s no deadline, requirement, or obligation for this task so I just pushed it ahead. I haven’t gotten to it yet, but it looks like I can soon. This helped with the overwhelmed feeling. It’s not procrastination, because I don’t dread doing it and I’m not avoiding it, I just don’t have the time for it right now.

Sometimes there are things to do that just don’t need to be done right now.

doug

Personal Notes O the Day:

1. You maybe noticed that I didn’t do a post last week either. Or maybe you didn’t.  Same issue.

2.  If you scroll all the way down there’s a big bonus post about procrastination from somebody who deserves credit, but I can’t remember who.

3. Last week was a booger.  We need to take care of ourselves.

Links:

An expert with ADHD

Helping Children with ADHD webinar 

Avoidance or Procrastination?

Let’s actually do it! Now!

One style of procrastination.

Truths About ADHD Medications — ADHD Tip O the Day 970

There are many misconceptions about ADHD medications.

The two classes of ADHD meds are the stimulants and the others.  The following truths primarily apply to the stimulants:  methylphenidate – Ritalin, et al, and amphetamine – Adderall, et al.  70% of ADHDers will respond well to either type of stimulant, 20% will respond to one but not the other, and 10% either won’t respond (which indicates the diagnosis needs to be reevaluated to be sure it’s accurate) or are bothered by side effects even after adjustments.

True:

These meds are not addictive (possibly very rarely?) in people who have ADHD.

They are misused at times, especially in colleges.  Patients may be pressured to share them or may sell them.

They don’t help students to study or perform on tests unless they have ADHD.

Thus, they have a different effect on people with ADHD and people without.

They work quickly.  Unless you’re started on a low dose, you’ll probably know in twenty four hours whether they’ll be helpful to you and if you’ll get any of the possible side effects.

You are statistically unlikely to get side effects.  If you do, they can be managed or you can just change meds or stop altogether.

It may take a while to get the best med, best dose, and best schedule for you. It probably won’t.

The stimulant meds will not make anyone a zombie nor change anyone’s personality.

They should help with focus, motivation, inertia, and many other ADHD symptoms, but not all. They are unlikely to help with irritability, losing things, memory, patience, or sleep.  However, Dr. Goodwin states that the purpose of the medication is to help you focus enough to use strategies, and strategies can help with each of those problems.

The meds are not medically dangerous; even people with heart or problems can use them, though  I would  with low doses and monitor carefully.

I believe that anyone with ADHD aged six or over deserves a trial of medication.  They can sometimes have miraculous benefit, sometimes help somewhat, and sometimes don’t help (ten %).  I see no rational reason to not try medication.

doug

Quote O the Day:

They told me, “When you get older, you’ll understand.”

They lied.

Bonus Tip O the Day, from James Clear

“When choosing a new habit many people seem to ask themselves, ‘What can I do on my best days?’
​
The trick is to ask, “What can I stick to even on my worst days?”
​
Start small. Master the art of showing up. Scale up when you have the time, energy, and interest.”

Links:

Understand Side Effects

Trying ADHD Medication

Meds in other words and more links

Bonus Links  O the Day:

Math Phobia

Upcoming ADHD Conference

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Could use a little med?

I need ADHD help! Now!

Untreated ADHD

ADHD and ODD, REVISED— ADHD Tip O the Day 969.1

Morwen made an excellent comment on my original ODD post which leads me to revise the  post and also add new links: 

Hello Doug, I feel as though the information you presented above lacks critical engagement with diagnosis or disorder. There are many important critiques of ODD, particularly in it’s overuse as a label for children of color. There is serious concern that ODD diagnoses also hide other struggles, such as trauma and neurodevelopmental conditions, making the focus behaviour rather than situation or neurology. Your line about feeling as though you should just say “May god bless you” and move on also plays into the narrative that these children (again disproportionately children of color) aren’t savable, and that they are inherently and irrevocably destined for violence or anti-social behaviour. Considering that less than 30% of diagnosed ODD children progress to having a conduct disorder, and only a minority of diagnosed CD children progress to APD, your glum, hopeless tone of your post is distressing to me.

Note: CD conduct disorder; APD antisocial personality disorder

Revised Post:

“About forty percent of kids with ADHD have or will develop ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. “

I think 40% is too high.

What is ODD?

“A disorder in a child marked by defiant and disobedient behavior to authority figures. The cause of oppositional defiant disorder is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Symptoms generally begin before a child is eight years old. They include irritable mood, argumentative and defiant behavior, aggression, and vindictiveness that last more than six months and cause significant problems at home or school. Treatment involves individual and family therapy.”

When I see a post that starts, ” My son is diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, and —“, my heart sinks.  The parents are having a hard time, as is the child, and I don’t have good advice to give and so I feel inadequate and helpless and unhelpful and pessimistic.  I’m trying to get more information.

There is a support group, and the parents do need support.   The parents need knowledgeable professional help, and to be consistent with a good behavior management program , and to stick with it for a while even when it doesn’t seem to be working.  (This is different from most situations, where if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else.)

There are successes, but these kids tend to develop serious problems – school drop out,  drugs, incarcerations.  The parents need to learn to protect themselves, and to  avoid enabling. The worst outcomes I’ve seen were where parents kept bailing the kid out of the trouble they were in.

The main point from Morwen is that if  the diagnosis of ODD is being considered, there needs to be a careful look at what else might be going on – truama, dyslexia, depression, etc.  Also that we cannot just give up one these kids and write them off.

doug

Stimulants for ODD

“For co-occurring ODD and ADHD, clinicians often prescribe stimulants to treat ADHD first. Typically, the ADHD stimulant medications greatly reduce ODD symptom severity and frequency. One study also found that patients with ADHD who consistently took medication significantly lowered their risk of developing ODD or CD in later life compared to patients with lower drug adherence³. In practice, clinicians often use liquid formulations to avoid having the patient potentially dispose of tablets.”

Personal Notes O the Day:

1. Did I have ODD too?  Only a touch.  I was too afraid of consequences, but I tended to automatically  disobey any rule or direct order if I could, even when I realized it was in my best interest.  But, I was a “bad kid.” A bully, lots of fights, and convicted of a serious offense I hadn’t done.
2. Sometimes parents are, or were, fined if their kid was too much truant. But what if they were just not able to  force the kid to go to school?

Quote O the Day:

“If you tell me I can’t do something, I’ll do it twice, video tape it, and post it on all the social media.”

ODDer?  That was me.

Question O the Day:

Did you have ODD?

Links:

Support group for parents

Comorbid ADHD and ODD

Outcome

From NIMH

Webinar on ADHD kids

ADHD and ODD

Parenting

Mightier – commercial program for ODD?

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

ADHD Meds

You are stressing me.

 

The Giant ADHD Flywheel and More — ADHD Tip O the Day 968

With my ADHD, I’m driven.  The pressure is constant. Here is a viewpoint from Creatieve.  I love your comments.

Self Abuse Makes ADHD Worse — ADHD Tip O the Day 967

(Not that kind)

With ADHD, we have many opportunities to feel shame.  And we often contribute to that be being harshly critical of ourselves.  And we often were subjected to shaming criticism as we were growing up  (and after), so we learned how to do it.

But, if we watch out for it (spotting), we can learn to stop this damaging self abuse.

Instead of saying ‘that wasn’t very smart’, you can say ‘that wasn’t  a good idea.’
A subtle difference, but belittling yourself is destructive.

Self esteem – how we value ourself

Self  image – how we see ourself

Ideal self – how we think we ‘ought to be’

One source and measure of our shame is the distance between our ideal self and our self image.

Sometimes when I see someone playing the guitar well, I think I should just give it up.  But wait, that professional practices or plays eight hours a day, six or seven days a week.  Should I be comparing myself to them?

Question O the Day:

Should any of us be comparing ourself to anyone about anything?  What is the benefit of that?

Tips O the Day:

1. Be gentle and kind to yourself.
2. Do not call yourself names.  Dumb, stupid, etc. are words that should never be used about anyone (so is ‘should’).
3.  Some people think that the harsh approach helps drive them, or others, to do better.  It doesn’t; it causes damage and impairment.
4. If you are a parent, be careful how you correct your child.  Label the behavior, not the child.
5. Consider this – what is your ideal self?  Is it realistic?

Links:

A Summary of Helping Yourself with ADHD  from Vanida

ADHD and Marriage

Shame

 

 

Shame and ADHD

SHAME and ADHD

 

Unrealistic goals with ADHD???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD  #adultADHD @dougmkpdp @adultadhd @adhdstrategies

Women and ADHD part two — ADHD Tip O the Day 966

In reply to Denise Dion’s comment:. denise – the ADHD symptoms of the inattentive type, which most ADHD women have, are the same as in men but without the hyperactivity, distractability, procrastinating, for sure. And probably without the impulsivity, blurting out, poor judgement. etc. And like men, often with comorbid anxiety, depression, and maybe substance abuse. etc. Specifically: difficulty getting to work on time, keeping house or room clean and uncluttered, keeping appointments, meeting deadlines, impulse buying. etc. It’s a booger. Thank you for bringing this up; think i’ll use it in a post. and thank you for commenting and for all your support. best wishes doug Parenthetical note of the day: Because of societal expectations, some women have problems because they are “supposed to be” nice, sweet, loving, understanding, helpful, etc.  Well, that can be very nice, but it can be overdone.  We all need to be able to protect ourselves and to set limits.

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I encourage you to check out the comments and to add your own. We’re all in this together.

doug

 

Links:

The previous post on ADHD in women

ADHD is different in women

Bonus Link:

Conquering procrastination

 

T Shirt Quote O the Day:

“You don’t always have to be nice.

Slash their tires”

 

Life with ADHD

We need to learn to say no.

 

Questions can be stressful with ADHD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

ADHD Handwriting — ADHD Tip O the Day 965

Can you read my ADHD note?

It’s called dysgraphia, another ADHD comorbidity.

This might be related to dyscoordination (basal ganglia, cerebellum), being in a hurry, and trying to get a flood of ideas down on paper before we lose them.

My handwriting caused me lots of trouble.  It’s only in recent years I’ve been able to improve it at all.

Finally I saw that if I wrote an L slanting  over to the right, much more than seemed reasonable, it would actually look like it was supposed to. Then I found that paying extra attention to the L’s slowed me down and that improved it all.  Then I found that I need to draw an R, not write it, and then the same for an S.  So now my handwriting is semi legible (most of the time).

Principles of making your life better even with ADHD:

Recognize that something is problem, not just life as it is.

Assume that every problem has a solution.

doug

Personal Note O the Day:

Now that the handwriting problem is “solved,” I use the computer all the time instead.  If only I could get it to work!  Traded dysgraphia for dytechnologica.

Links:

Clutter

Impulsivity

Habits

Handwriting?

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

 

Sometimes ADHD confuses me?

Sure!

I need ADHD help! Now!

ADHD in Women is Different — ADHD Tip O the Day 964

 

ADHD in Women is Different (usually)

Most women and girls with ADHD have the inattentive type, ADHD without the hyperactivity.  The result is that as children they are less often diagnosed because they simply underperform instead of causing trouble, unlike the boys, who tend to have the mixed type, including hyperactivity.

Many women do not have symptoms that get attention until adulthood, when a change in the nature of responsibilities – jobs, motherhood, managing a household -begins to highlight their ADHD.

The treatment approaches to both male and female ADHD are  about the same.

Medical research, including on ADHD, has tended to be male focused for several reasons, some misogynistic and some practical.  Thus women have been short changed in getting the proper medical attention and treatment they deserve. (I will not object if this statement provokes some outraged comments.)

doug

Links:

ADHD, Inattentive Type

ADHD in women

RSD is worse in women

Webinar July 8 Inattentive ADHD

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

Life with ADHD ain’t easy.

Undiagnosed ADHD

 

ADHD in Women

Demons and ADHD — ADHD Tip O the Day 963

Demons are worse for ADHDers. This explains a lot.

 

You don’t believe in demons?  Really?!?! 

 

How about this: 

 

1. If you fly fish, how about when you lay your fly rod aside for a minute and turn your back and when you turn around the lines are irretrievably snarled? 

 

2. Who keeps hiding my cell phone and my eyeglasses if not demons? 

 

3. I need to put a safety pin in my sweats (don’t ask). When I go to take it out, the head is still on the outside but somehow the tail is on the inside and there is no hole. How does that happen? 

 

4. And in computers? The demons must be Legion.  Don’t even get me started. 

 

5. Do demons really like to build a collection of single socks or do they take them just to frustrate us? Do they compete to see who can collect the most socks? 

 

Do demons attack everybody equally or are they particularly attracted to people with ADHD because we’re so vulnerable? 

 doug

Quote O the Day:  

“From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord deliver us.” 

— Scottish prayer 

Links:

ADHD and Moods

Clinician’s View on ADHD

Journaling

ADHD and Messes

 

Let’s see if we can’t do it all!

#ADHD  #adultADHD @dougmkpdp @adultadhd @adhdstrategies

 

Breaks and ADHD — ADHD Tip O the Day 962

Everyone needs breaks, probably more so with ADHD, but they can be difficult.

Breaks throughout the day, week, and year can be very beneficial, even necessary.  That’s why we have vacations, and why it’s best not to work during them.  We need time to recharge our mental batteries, to let the gunk clear out of our brains, to see things from a distance and in perspective.

Breaks help prevent burnout and increase efficiency.

Most people have an attention span of around an hour and then mental function begins to decline.  We need a break. Speeches, sermons, or lectures longer than an hour lose interest, attention, and effectiveness.  With ADHD our attention span may be shorter, so it’s useful to determine yours and plan your day based on that.

During the day:  Have several breaks for 10 minutes or more where you do nothing, or take a walk, or talk to a friend.  Have mini-breaks , 2 minutes long, every hour. Just stop what you’re doing, pause.  You can practice awareness or not.

We may need strategies to make sure we get back on task and not off on a distraction.  One is to realize what the dangerous break activities might be, perhaps playing a computer game or getting on the internet, and avoid them.

During the week: You need a  minimum of one day off, really more, not filled up with other chores.

During the year: At least one vacation, and one week is not enough.

Personal Notes O the Day:

Working in the psychiatric emergency room was stressful.  I knew I needed time off whenever I changed from “I wonder how we can help this poor soul” to ” I wonder what this SOB wants” whenever a new patient came in.

I had to learn how to take vacations.  For years I would get antsy by the end of a week, but I learned how to do two weeks. It takes me the first week to unwind and begin to relax.

Various reasons breaks can be difficult include the inner flywheel which constantly drives us, the pressure of the long to-do list, and the awareness that many tasks take us longer to do than they do for vanillas.

Now that I’m retired, I’m still busy, especially when I’m working on a book.  I try to take three day “retreats” at home where I don’t use the computer or watch TV or do any tasks.

The next book, another on ADHD, is about 70% done but I’m taking a break from writing for while, now that the novel, Alma Means Soul, is finally published.

doug

 

Links:

Breaks Benefits

Omega 3 Fatty Acid  EPA is the good stuff, DEA not so much.  Be cautious about buying supplements; you don’t really know what they contain.

James Clear

He needs a break.

 

 

 

We need a break NOW!

Oh My, the problems!

#ADHD  #adultADHD @dougmkpdp @adultadhd @adhdstrategies

Coping with ADHD Stress — ADHD Tip O the Day 961

Living with ADHD is stressful.

(So is living with someone with ADHD.)

Meditation, breaks, getting outdoors, exercise, are all helpful.

Some of my favorite tools for stress or anxiety  are breathing tools.

Here’s my latest favorite.   Think what you  want to have and what you want to get rid of.  My lists:

Breathe In: Love, Compassion, Equanimity, Patience, Empathy, Peace

Breathe Out: pressure, anxiety, impatience, irritability, resentment, grudges

Do this three times.

I do this early every morning, and it helps.

There are many breathing tools. I also use:

6 in, rest two, 8 out, rest two. Three times.

and – the alternate nostril – in on right, out on left, in on left, out on right.

and – breathe in thru nose, hold it as long as comfortable, breathe out thru mouth very very s l o w l y.  Three times.

Find which one or ones work for you.  They get increasingly better with practice.

doug

Personal Notes O the Day: 

1. Gripe – The novel was published May 25. I ordered ten copies to my address in Santa Fe. Over the next several days I ordered copies for others.  They began getting them, while I sat anxiously waiting and watching the tracking report:

   Shipped with UPS   Tracking ID: 1ZA288930364013359

   Sunday, June 6  5:29 PM

   Package arrived at a carrier facility.West Columbia, SC US

   Monday, June 7  10:00 AM

   Package arrived at a carrier facility. Hodgkins, IL US

   9:25 PM

   Package has left the carrier facility.

   Hodgkins, IL US
   Mine finally arrived  Wednesday June 9. 

   2. Gripe: Politics – The system is broken.

   3. Gripe: WordPress – it’s free, so what can I say?  But they stuck ads on my posts.  On the other hand, after they screwed up the input system, they fixed an option to use the old one.
2. Gripe: I didn’t want this numeral two here or the three and four below, but WordPress won’t let me get rid of them.  Ignore them.
4. Welcome to the new members of the tribe.  Hope you enjoy the posts and find them useful and that you will comment.
   Research  Note O the Day -A recent study in the Journal of Pediatrics found that spanking young children had effects similar to adverse childhood events such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, parental mental illness or substance abuse, and others.  One result was aggressive and violent behavior.

   Don’t I know it.  The Bully

Links:

Journaling

A Model of the ADHD Brain

Pause

#ADHD, #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp,  @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies

                                                      Stressed?

Short Term Goals

You are stressing me.

Ten Cynical Aphorisms O the Day — ADHD Tip O the Day 960

It’s not just about ADHD. Over the years, I have learned these things, often the hard way:

1. Anything involving humans will eventually get screwed up.
2. If you don’t know why a person, institution, or country did something, your best guess is money.
3. It will usually take longer than you expected.
4. The real purpose of any institution is to grow and to protect its turf.
5. Technology tends to not work.
6. Humans are hardwired to divide the world into us and them.
7. People have an innate need to have someone to look down on.
8. No matter how much money someone has it’s not enough.
9. If someone says, “To tell you the truth,” they won’t.
10. “It’s a great life, if you don’t weaken.”

Hope these tips from a lifetime of experience are helpful to you.

doug

 

Nasty Poem O the Day:

Whenever you’re feeling down,

discouraged, less than,

just remember that there’s someone, somewhere,

thinking of you,

of how wonderful you are,

how marvelous,

what a fine person. 

(It won’t be me.)

Links:

ADHD Disorganization, Insomnia, etc.

Pot law

Live Healthy

There’s no ADHD

 

Life with ADHD ain’t easy.

#ADHD #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp    

    ADHD Judgement

ADHD and Time – ADHD Tip O the Day 959

If you have ADHD, time is a booger.

1. We underestimate how long a task will take. It always takes longer.  And if its fixing or maintenance, it’ll take at least two trips to the hardware store.

Strategy: Estimate the time and add fifty per cent.  I can’t find my link to the great post on this.  How long will this take to do?

2. We’re late for appointments and meetings (when we arrive at all.)   

Strategy: Set at time to go and don’t do anything else after that. Set a time to get ready thirty minutes before the time to go.   Getting ready.

3. We think events are further off than they are, so we’re late on getting presents, tickets, reservations, etc.   

Strategy:   Have multiple calendars and a red sharpie.   Do it Way Early.  It’s when ?!?

doug

Links:

Time management

Make your life better and be happy

Keep Healthy Habits webinar

 

Poem O the Day:

I get very very sleepy at night

Until I lay down and turn out the light.

I’m So Excited

 

Getting a lot done. with ADHD???

Planning with ADHD

Remember when —

ADHD challenge

 

 

 

#ADHD #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp    

Novel Published (in spite of ADHD)

Doug Puryear has just published his first novel (seventh book).  Alma Means Soul is the story of an extraordinary woman overcoming her childhood and of her journey towards wholeness.  A spiritual thread runs throughout.  Includes a section on El Camino Real, Santa Fe, and convertidos, You might enjoy the unusual writing style.  Available on Amazon and on Smashwords.  Doug would appreciate any reviews.

New novel, in spite of ADHD

FAQ about ADHD — ADHD Tip O the Day 958

I get many AHD questions from various web sites.

Here are some answers (ie my opinions) with links.

What can cure ADHD?  –  Only God.

Does ADHD get worse with aging? – No, age just adds more problems.

Am I a bad mother? – Probably not, if you’re asking that question.

Can someone’s handwriting be improved? – Yes.

What are the side effects of this medicine? – Wrong question.

How should I discipline my ADHD child? – Maybe you shouldn’t?

I don’t want to take medicine.   What naturals will work? – Why on earth not?

What supplements help with ADHD?  – Be careful.

Can you have a relationship if you have ADHD? – If you both work on it.

What causes ADHD? – Genes plus environment, like everything else.

Is ADHD just an excuse, or just made up by doctors and drug companies? – No.

Strategy:  Educate yourself.

Cynical Answer O the Day:

Q: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A: I don’t know and I don’t care.