ADHD and Emotions — ADHD Tip O the Day 921

There is some interesting new research on emotions in ADHD.         

I plan to do a series on the topic, interspersed with other subjects.

Spoiler Alert: It’s possible this will a little disorganized.  You think?

Definitions:(excerpts from Your Life Can Be Better, 2nd edition):

self esteem – how we feel about ourselves, especially our sense of worth.

self image – the picture of ourselves we carry in our head; who we think we are, what we think we’re like

shame- the emotion we feel when we aren’t measuring  up to our standards, or those of others, and we feel exposed, feeling that others can or soon will see our failure and our flaws. A deep seated basic internal feeling. A common result of ADHD.

We all want to be OK (self image). Related to this is perfectionism.  We tend to move to perfectionism because we mess up so often and we get get so much  criticism, very damaging to our self esteem.  But if I can do this perfectly, then no one can criticize me, and it’ll  prove to them, and to me, that I’m not a total screw up and loser (self image).

Unfortunately, perfectionism only make things worse, because we never can achieve perfect,   so we’ve failed again, and it also fosters procrastination, because the task is impossible.

This stuff is all connected, isn’t it.  A lot of things in life work in feedback loops.

Quotes O the Day:

 “I’m crazy. You’re crazy.  We’re all crazy.”

“I’m not OK.  I’m not not OK. I’m just me.”

       De Mello

Links :

Self Esteem

“Proactivity” – Why we choose the less important task

Extra notes of the day:

Morwen Edhelwen kindly pointed out that “vanilla” is a term widely used in the BDSM community with a specific meaning.  So I’ve  considered not using it anymore, but  it’s widely used for non ADHDers in the ADHD community  and I assume that the ADHD community is larger than the BDSM community (beware of assumptions) so I’ve decided to keep using it.  Besides, I like it.  I will consider any disagreements?

The novel Alma Means Soul and the other ADHD book are on hold while I struggle with the second edition of Your Life Can Be Better.  Making some progress. Some.  Thanks  to Jo for much help and to Dinos for gracious help offer.

Please note Scott’s comment below and see if you can help him.  Android phone?  Tech?  Dinos?

Poem O the Day:

The Plants

Some of the plants in the aquarium
I lifted (borrowed? stole?)from our little pond.

There’s so much foliage there
They certainly won’t be missed.

In my small aquarium, they stand out,

unique, special,

striving upwards towards the light

As I’m sure we all do

Is it ADHD? Or crazy? Or both?

Self Esteem with ADHD

#ADHD, @addstrategies, @adhdstrategies, @dougmkpdp,

About doug with ADHD

I am a psychiatric physician. I learned I have ADHD at age 64, and then wrote two ADHD books for adults, focusing on strategies for making your life better. I just published my first novel, Alma Means Soul. Your Life Can Be Better; strategies for adults with ADD/ADHD available at, or (for e books) Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD: 365 Tips O the Day ( e-book). This is one tip at a time, one page at a time, at your own pace. It's meant to last a year. As a child, I was a bully. Then there was a transformation. Now I am committed to helping people instead abusing them. The Bully was published in January, 2016. It's in print or e book, on Amazon.
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10 Responses to ADHD and Emotions — ADHD Tip O the Day 921

  1. rammkatze says:

    Now I had to Google what vanilla means in BDSM. Google tells me it’s just “standard sex”, so our use of the word in the ADHD commy isn’t far off.
    Procrastinating for fear of failure: me with guitar practice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ram – thank you for our research, i was afraid to do it.good luck with the guitar. can you figure out a strategy?
      best wishes


      • rammkatze says:

        So far, no strategy discovered :/


        • ram- what are you trying to do with the guitar, practice what/?maybe we can com eup with some ideas if its important to you?
          best wishes

          Liked by 1 person

          • rammkatze says:

            I’m usually learning old-school metal songs (and some recent ones as well). Right now I’m tackling “Master of puppets” by Metallica. Once a week I have 45 minutes class with an amazing and very patient teacher who understands that I’m not always motivated and supports my decision of at least sticking to it during class. We’ve know each other for 3-4 years now, I think and we’ve found a good way to keep it going that suits me. It’s with the practice at home that I have problems most of the time. I keep thinking “ok, decide you’ll practice 10 minutes a day. If it doesn’t get you going, it’s still 10 minutes more than not practicing at all.”. Between that though and picking up the guitar, I lose that small bit of motivation. It’s aggravating. But I knew I’d have a hard time with sticking to it (is that not common among ADHDers?) which is why I hired a teacher about a week after I bought a classical guitar more or less on a whim (a nice Yamaha 40C).
            I now own 3 guitars. Buying and owning is a great part of the fun. Isn’t dopamine a rough mistress? 😉


            • ram- i have the same problem (but no teacher).
              this has helped me:
              moved the guitar to where it’s out in plain sight and easy to access.
              try to play every day, a lot on sundays.
              didn’t put any time rule on it, felt like pressure
              some days i practice, but when i dont feel like it, i just play for pleasure, dont try to learn or improve, play anything i feel like.
              practice – used small steps, just work on a few bars until i really have those down, then move to next few.
              the trick is to avoid making it feel like a chore, make it as easy and fun as possible.
              hope some of this may be of some help
              best wishes


  2. scott – good to hear from you. sorry, i know nothing about android, and dont use my phone for lists, but for a lot of other things. it’s great, so congratulations for getting one. I’ll post your comment and see what comes up.
    thank you for commenting
    best wishes


  3. sfmarckx says:

    Hi Doug,
    Thank you for this blog and for your book! I recently got my first smartphone and it is very “Shiny”, as in way to interesting for this ADDer, but I am hoping to use it to help me, as well as be the distraction that it is.
    I am wondering if you or any of your readers have any recommendations for an app for an android phone that I can use to make my lists, like the cards in your book with the various lists? I don’t have any real experience with phones like this yet and I figured someone else might have already figured out a good system.

    Thank you and all the best,

    Liked by 1 person

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