For ease, I’ll talk about marriage but this applies to all intimate relationships.
Things they don’t tell you
Marriage is hard work.
Especially if one of you has ADD ADHD.
Quote O the Day
The only thing worse than being married is not being married.
Things I’ve Learned (Often the Hard Way)
Intimate relationships stir up our old stuff. This give us the chance to work it out. It also can lead to divorce.
The key to relationship is communication. Easy to say.
A communication strategy- listen, ask questions, make sure you really understand the other’s point before responding. Another: be clear that feelings and perceptions are as important as fact. Maybe more.
We each have different tolerances and desires about closeness/distance. This underlies many relationship conflicts that may seem to be about something else.
We enter relationships with different expectations. These are usually just assumed and unspoken and often unconscious. The sooner they can be spelled out and negotiated the better. There should be a law requiring premarital discussions of : how will we resolve disagreements, who does which chores, how will money be handled, how will children be raised, how will we deal with in-laws, what kind of sex life do we want. Have you had these conversations yet?
You cannot make the other person happy, no matter how hard you try. And that’s not your job. But you can make them unhappy.
Some things are not worth taking a stand or arguing about. Some things are. Strategy: let the little ones go.
Men and women are different. Learning about this can greatly improve your relationship.
The One Year Course On Marriage/Relationships
the ADHD effect on marriage – orlov
the dance of anger – lerner
men are from mars, women from venus – gray
love is never enough-beck
I dont want to talk about it – real
getting the love you want – hendricks
one of John Gottmans many books
disarming the past – lewis
ideally, read these together and discuss them as you go.
Bonus Links – these are worth checking out
adhd-doesnt-cause-divorce-denial-does from Melissa
10 things not to do from June
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