Parenting — ADHD Tip O the Day 950

Being a parent is not easy.

Parenting generally is  difficult and stressful, but it can also be extremely pleasant and rewarding. As they say, they grow up very fast. Look for every opportunity to spend quality time with your children because you won’t have too many opportunities.

There are no perfect parents. A reasonable goal is to be a better parent to your children than your parents were to you. Try your best and don’t feel guilty or like you’re a failure.  

Your parents did many things to you as a child that you swore you would never do to your children, but you will.

Do you need to forgive your parents?

Am I an expert on parenting?  I raised four children, all of whom turned out well anyway. I’ve seen many patients in therapy and observed some of the effects of parenting. Do I know the answers? I do not.

Some  things I do know:

1. Every child,  every parent, and every parent-child combo is different. There’s no one size fits all. If the personalities of the child and the parent mesh well,  good. If they don’t you have to make the best of it.

2. The three basic styles of  parenting:
A.  Authoritation: I’m the parent, the boss, and you’ll do what I say.  (See John Rosemond.  No, don’t.) This doesn’t work well with adolescents.
B. Collaborative: Let’s figure out the best way for us to handle this  situation, but I get the final say.
C. Permissive: Do whatever you want.

I believe the collaborative style usually is best,  but it may depend on the particular parent child combo.

3. The  reality with teenagers is you have as much authority as they are willing to give you.  The challenge is to give the support needed while gradually letting go.

4.  Your child will learn more from what you do than what you say.  This cliche is true.

5. Children need a chance to be children.  And be sure your expectations are age appropriate.

5. There are more important things in life than a orderly room or even  grades.  There are more important things to worry about. Try to avoid struggles, especially non essential ones. Pick your battles- Can I win? Is it worth the effort? You have a long rough road ahead. Conserve your energy. Take care of yourself.

6. Don’t make threats or establish rules that you aren’t prepared to follow through on.

7. I don’t advocate punishment. It’s often counter productive, especially long term.  If you are going to punish, never do it while you’re still angry.  Physical punishment is child abuse.

8. There are many different ways to judge someone  “successful.“ A kind,  honest, relatively happy adult is a huge success, no matter their financial, professional, or social status . Especially if they’re good parents if they have children.

Good luck

doug

Links:

Parents with ADHD

Treating Emotional Symptoms

Update on Marijuana

“Neurodivergent Girls”

Personal Notes O the Day:

  1. I’ve heard parents say I spank (etc.) my child to teach them respect.  I was spanked (etc.) a lot.  It taught me many things.  Respect was not one of them.
  2. This post is in response to many anguished questions I’ve answered on other sites.
  3.  I’m excited about the novel.  I keep doing another draft, always hoping to publish the next one.  On 23.  Maybe 24?
  4. Parenting is hard.  Parenting an ADHD child is much harder.  And if you have ADHD too?  Wow!

Quote O the Day:

“Guilt is a very useful emotion.  For about five minutes.”

An unknown guru.

 

Adult ADHD
@dougmkpdp,@adhdstrategies,diagnosis,effects of diagnosis,medication,medicines, myths about ADHD,facts about ADHD,ignorance about ADHD, denial and ADHD, science, science and ADHD, research and

@addstrategies  #adhd #add @dougmkpdp add,adhd,adult add,adult adhd,attention deficit,living with ADD,living with ADHD,coping with ADD,coping with ADHD,symptoms,problems,ADD problems,ADHD problems,ADHD symptoms,@addstrategies, ADD symptoms,#adhd, #add, @dougmkpdp,@adhdstrategies,strategy,strategies,add,adhd,adult add,adult adhd,attention deficit,strategy, strategies, tips,older qpeople with ADHD,aging with ADHD,

An Autobiograpy

#ADHD #adultADHD, @dougmkpdp

About doug with ADHD

I am a psychiatric physician. I learned I have ADHD at age 64, and then wrote two ADHD books for adults, focusing on strategies for making your life better. Your Life Can Be Better; strategies for adults with ADD/ADHD available at amazon.com, or smashwords.com (for e books) Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD: 365 Tips O the Day ( e-book). This is one tip at a time, one page at a time, at your own pace. It's meant to last a year. As a child, I was a bully. Then there was a transformation. Now I am committed to helping people instead abusing them. The Bully was published in January, 2016. It's in print or e book, on Amazon.
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1 Response to Parenting — ADHD Tip O the Day 950

  1. Pingback: FAQ about ADHD — ADHD Tip O the Day 958 | ADDadultstrategies

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