ADHD is about coping – you don’t cure it, you don’t overcome your symptoms, you learn to cope, to minimize the effect they have on your life.
Today I’m feeling lazy, kind of stuck, hard to get moving. To be honest, I’m not feeling highly motivated to do this blot post. But it is time for one. So instead of trying to force myself to do a post, to try harder, to overcome my inertia, I’m using a strategy, a coping strategy if you will. I’m punting.
This link below is pretty amazing, with so much information and so comprehensive. Can’t say I agree with everything in it, but it’s well worth your checking out. You’ll find a good tip that’s new to you, I’m sure, or at least you’ll be reminded of one that you’ve been forgetting to use.
Check it out!
doug
Just about everything about coping with ADD ADHD
Note O the Day: Some of the most astute among you will recognize that I actually have done a blog post. But I was using the strategy of fooling my brain, a good common strategy. I told myself I wasn’t doing one, which enabled me to get going and do this. But, please, don’t tell my brain.
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- It takes longer with ADHD.
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- The round tuit. A gift from my wife.
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- Living with ADHD
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- The Roadrunner-not particularly related to ADHD, but I like it.
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- Oh, my, yes!
ADDadultstrategies 
Pingback: Is It Distractions? Or Something Else? -An ADHD Dialog with Scott — ADHD Tip O the Day 804 | ADDadultstrategies
Doug, would you cone and fix me a plan to stick to. I’m really shy and need help.been stupid since I was born.seems like 100 yrs ago.YET I FOUND A VERY NICE FRIEND TO LIVE WITH. YET IM REALLY AFRAID TO MOVE SO FAR AWAY.PLEASE EVERYONE HURTING ME FOR MY MOM PLEASE STOP SHES DEAD.LEAVE HER THERE.NOW IS MY TIME TO LIVE BECAUSE OF MY MOM I CANT SEE MY DAUGHTER.SHE GATES ME FOR WHAT HER TAILED ASS FATHER SAID. MY WHOLE FAMILY WORKED TOGETHER. IM ASHAMED OF CALLING THEM MY FAMILY. CHEF CINDY LOU BICKNELL cindylouchak1@shaw.ca.will be on like for 3 more days.
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Cindy- sounds very rough. But if you are a chef you have been accomplishing in spite of all. You didn’t mention ADHD, assume you have it?
then a suggested plan:
1. immediately stop calling your self stupid
2. identify one or two of the areas where ADHD is causing you the most problems and work on strategies
3. get counseling to deal with the shame and low self esteem that ADHD causes us all, and to help you make your difficult decisions
best wishes, and thank you for commenting
doug
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Omg, at the end of my ADHD life,plus I’m gullible,to a bad point.Wish I saw this 20 yrs ago.Im 60 and think now I might be okay.Yet I really miss my stolen belongings.Like a house in 1991 for 82.0000.Stolen by my bff.Now I must move from Van. Just can’t afford to live here and no body cares.Well love you too. Only your to good for love.now to move to my new home.
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Anon – wow. hard times. but you seem to be getting it. hope the strategies will help you.
We always grieve for the losses we had before we got our diagnosis and got better.
thank you for commenting
doug
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Great post! To me, the hardest part about coping with ADHD is …. People. I find myself pondering how tiresome it is to me. I have to make the conscious decision of “you’re talking too much, ask a question to redirect the conversation” for example. With some (few) people, I hit it off. But most of the time, it’s really hard. Then there’s the ability to read people that I have (most of the time) but the trouble figuring out why they’re upset, or happy or ignoring me. People usually take me for an oddball, though mostly in a positive way, so one of the strategies is telling people flat out “if you get one single bit uncomfortable with the joke I’m making, please tell me! I hate when people keep joking with someone who’s had enough and don’t know when to stop!”
I would say I have developed good strategies, but I still have a scarce social life and even the bit I have is something tiring and overwhelming. Keep the good tips coming! 🙂
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Thanks Doug,
I tend to get really excited about “the next thing” whether it is solving some problem with the house or garden or learning about violin varnish or a boat building project or making the ultimate alcohol stove for backpacking. There are millions of “next things” out there and they are way more entertaining than the thing that may be right in front of me. There is so much information available on the internet, especially through YouTube and Amazon, and it is fun to look stuff up and then play with it in my head trying to figure it out. That often leads me to buying books and materials and starting new projects. I don’t always finish those projects or read those books before I’m off on the “next new thing” and the books and materials have tended to pile up in the physical space and the ideas and problems to solve have piled up in my mental space to where it is difficult to get work done or even concentrate without running into the physical or mental stuff of it all. The positive spin on it is the quest for learning and solving problems, the creative impulse. The negative is the mess and distraction.
Then there is the seeking for escape, which often happens by dreaming up a new project, searching YouTube or Amazon,… and the cycle continues.
One thing I learned, on a YouTube video of all places, is how the internet, in only sometimes rewarding us in our searches, sets us up in an addictive cycle. We get a bigger dopamine response when we might find what we are looking for than when we know we will find what we are looking for. I think that is a big part of the high I get in searching for distractions.
My latest strategy has been, just for today, no YouTube or Amazon. It is helping.
Yes, use any of this for your blog or whatever.
All the best, Scott
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Scott – lots of things going on. One suggestion – make a rule – you will not buy anything the same day, rule is to sleep on it before ordering.
other ideas: utilize the basic strategies – how to finish a task, how to manage distractions. use the search function on the site.
are you using two to do lists?
some things that may help:
1. pick one task to be sure to accomplish each day,a small step, and put it on the calendar. Schedule a week at a time.
2. schedule specific times to work on the task, and limit to 45 minutes per time.
3. schedule specific time for distractions. enjoy.
4. ditto for face book and u tube. schedule. and maybe a couple of days per week with no time for them.
5. Make sure you are not saying “have to” or “should” to yourself. Then distraction would be a rebellion against being controlled.
Again, strategies will be more helpful if you pick one area or problem to work on at a time.
the buying, the getting started, the finishing, the piles, not listening, the internet, whatever.
Most people at this point will be saying, “Yes, but -.” Are you hearing that from yourself?
One key point: You seem to have labeled your problem “a problem with distractions.” As you can see, I am suggesting these are actually multiple problems, where distraction may play a secondary part.
Look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for contributing
doug
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Thank you Doug,
This is helpful. I am choosing one thing each night when I journal to ” take a small step toward” the next day and then writing about how that goes in the next evening’s journal. I use multiple lists and each evening write out a to do list in order starting with my morning routine. That seems to build some momentum by starting with things that are more habitual so it seems like a success.
You are probably right that this is multiple problems, but the seeking distractions seems to be a key part of each of them. It is my way of ejecting from an uncomfortable situation instead of persisting through the discomfort and getting the job done.
Also the emotional content of each distraction is still very present when I confront the physical stuff (read pile of stuff) of that project and I tend to get pulled back in when trying to clean it up. That makes the clean up way more time consuming and draining. Finding ways to build momentum in clean up rather than getting bogged down emotionally would be helpful.
The “take a small step toward it” idea is very helpful.
Thank you again!
All the best, Scott
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scott – so you are coming up with your strategies. Yea!
some thoughts that may help:
1 make the long list of everything to do, including the attractive distractions.
2. make the short list, no more than three, for the day.
3. be sure they are small steps, usually parts of projects rather than projects.
4. pick one of those as The Task o the Day, and focus on it. If you get that one done, you have had a successful day. It helps me to make a weeks calendar and put in that one task for each day.
5. in trying to clean up piles, set the timer for 20 minutes (30?) and make yourself stop there. then you can do it again later, or tomorrow or the next day. (not 3 days; keep up the momentum.)
6. be sure to schedule in some of the attractive distractions. maybe call them rewards or relaxations or fun times or breaks. relabeling or reframing may be helpful. it is possible that your current way of defining the problem is perpetuating it?
7. to reduce ejecting from an uncomfortable situation, try to make it less uncomfortable. small steps. work 45″ at a time. have a reward at end of each session. play music while you do it. dance while vacumming, for example. do the hard part first. etc
You have just reframed it perhaps, and in a productive way. It maybe not so much that the “distractions” are so compelling as that the tasks are so repelling?
pick what works for you. please keep up the feedback
best wishe
doug
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Hi Doug,
I just realized, in one of those duh moments, that I actually seek out distractions as a way to feel a high, almost like drugs. It is so ingrained in me I’m not sure how to deal with it, but acknowledging it is a good first step. I’m starting to see that a lot of my other problems, not getting work done, piles of stuff that I can’t seem to organize, and not paying attention when listening and at other times, are caused by this getting high off of distraction problem.
So now I’m looking for ways to gently turn this habit in a much better direction.
Any ideas?
All the best,
Scott
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Scott – late getting back to you – procrastination? Not exactly. Didn’t have enough info to address your question. It’s a new concept to me. So, OK, I was procrastinating.
Are you getting high off the distraction thing you are doing? Or are you getting high off the action of distracting?
So not sure yet if my ideas would fit?
1. focus on specific problems, one at a time. which one is most important now? piles or listening or getting work done? then strategies for that one. harder to do much about the general problem of distractability
2. thus also a change of focus and framing, from “I’m distractable” to “I have trouble completing a task.” , for example. There are many strategies for that.
If you let me know, maybe I can come up with more specific ideas
This is a great topic and I’ll use it as a post if it’s OK with you.
thank you for your comments as always
doug
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