ADHD Excuses — ADHD Tip O the Day 947

We ADHDers are hard to live with.  We cause a lot of frustration.

A comment from T:

“I would love for you to address the issue with people with ADHD trying to justify behavior that is driven by the ADHD and not by necessity. I’m sure you know the “it’ll just take a minute”, the “I was right there so I figured I’d do it”, and the “It NEEDED to be done” excuses. You’ve probably made them yourself.”

Oh my, yes, I do recognize these statements.  But I think of them as explanations, not excuses. We do  need to avoid  using our ADHD as an excuse,  just to avoid doing something we don’t want to do, for example.  

An alcoholic is not responsible for being alcoholic, but they’re  responsible for doing something about it.  Same for ADHD.

T is addressing two issues: 1. not being ready to go on time. 2.  not showing up on time or at all.

 If something bothers your SO (significant other), you need to work on it.  Using a basic ADHD coping principle, identify the very specific problem that bothers your SO the most. Work on one thing at a time. Once the most annoying thing is mastered, go to the next one.

 For example, my wife doesn’t like me to keep her waiting if we’re going somewhere. I enlisted her help. Please be patient  while I’m working on the problem; it’ll take some time and I’ll have some lapses until my rules become habits.  Tell me the target time we need to leave.  I set my alarm for five minutes before.  Give me a five minute cushion. At the alarm, I do what I need to, often save something and shut down the computer, put away my guitar, put on my shoes, etc.   

Rule: When the alarm rings, I can’t start anything else, no ‘one more little thing’, etc.

Agreement: If I’m a less than five minutes late, she won’t get frustrated. 

This is working pretty well for us. Life is better when your SO isn’t frustrated with you.

 Not showing up at all is a different problem, and needs different strategies.

Tip:

If you’re working on making a habit, you need to do it every time, even the times you know you don’t really need to.

Personal Notes O the Day:

  1. I’m blessed with a wife who will work with me on ADHD problems.
  2. Not to brag, but yesterday I went nearly three hours without dropping or spilling anything (and I was awake).
  3. Red Flags: “Oh, I have plenty of time.”  “I’ll just do this.”
  4. I think my posts have been messed up.  I’m trying to catch up by reposting the old one.  Hope it’s working.

Quote O the Day:

“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

doug

 

 

Bonus Links:

ADHD Meds Webinar 3/17/21


ADHD Webinar 3/25/21 or later

 

The ADHD Effect on Marriage 

Sleep – or Not

Missed Appointments

 

 

ADHD Marriage

   

 

A Complaint

#ADHD #adultADHD,  @dougmkpdp

About doug with ADHD

I am a psychiatric physician. I learned I have ADHD at age 64, and then wrote two ADHD books for adults, focusing on strategies for making your life better. Your Life Can Be Better; strategies for adults with ADD/ADHD available at amazon.com, or smashwords.com (for e books) Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD: 365 Tips O the Day ( e-book). This is one tip at a time, one page at a time, at your own pace. It's meant to last a year. As a child, I was a bully. Then there was a transformation. Now I am committed to helping people instead abusing them. The Bully was published in January, 2016. It's in print or e book, on Amazon.
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1 Response to ADHD Excuses — ADHD Tip O the Day 947

  1. victor whitman says:

    I tried to contact you about conversation-I am available after 11 for next 2 days-give me some times you are available

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

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