We ADHDers are hard to live with. We cause a lot of frustration.
A comment from T:
Oh my, yes, I do recognize these statements. But I think of them as explanations, not excuses. We do need to avoid using our ADHD as an excuse, just to avoid doing something we don’t want to do, for example.
An alcoholic is not responsible for being alcoholic, but they’re responsible for doing something about it. Same for ADHD.
T is addressing two issues: 1. not being ready to go on time. 2. not showing up on time or at all.
If something bothers your SO (significant other), you need to work on it. Using a basic ADHD coping principle, identify the very specific problem that bothers your SO the most. Work on one thing at a time. Once the most annoying thing is mastered, go to the next one.
For example, my wife doesn’t like me to keep her waiting if we’re going somewhere. I enlisted her help. Please be patient while I’m working on the problem; it’ll take some time and I’ll have some lapses until my rules become habits. Tell me the target time we need to leave. I set my alarm for five minutes before. Give me a five minute cushion. At the alarm, I do what I need to, often save something and shut down the computer, put away my guitar, put on my shoes, etc.
Rule: When the alarm rings, I can’t start anything else, no ‘one more little thing’, etc.
Agreement: If I’m a less than five minutes late, she won’t get frustrated.
This is working pretty well for us. Life is better when your SO isn’t frustrated with you.
Not showing up at all is a different problem, and needs different strategies.
If you’re working on making a habit, you need to do it every time, even the times you know you don’t really need to.
Personal Notes O the Day:
Quote O the Day:
“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”