Missed Appoinments – – – ADHD Tip O the Day 870

 My ADHD friend (still) Tom and his missed appointments:

Tue 9/10/2019 12:07 PM

    I am mad at myself and embarrassed at missing breakfast with you this morning.
    Going back over this morning and when this happened last month or the month before I think a particular coping mechanism might work for me — a separate calendar for me located where I can’t miss it. This morning I knew that it was going to be an unusually busy day for Ann with all of it scribbled on our calendar, so I didn’t check yesterday or today (I had decided not to go to clergy conference so I could be here for a couple of times later today when she will need my help).
     I have now created my own calendar, located right above the silverware drawer where I unload the dishwasher every morning. So, in a way, my screw up has been balanced by a victory for you, as it is your insistence in your book over and over to create coping mechanisms. Even so, they don’t balance out and I remain pissed that I missed the time with you.

Tues 9/10/19 3:10 PM


1.I believe it was last month and the month before, not “or.” Therefore I am taking the liberty of making this a post.

2. I’m glad you’ve decided on a coping mechanism and that you reference the book. If you wish to review, it says that it’s essential to have an appointment book, or I guess, a calendar, but it will be worthless unless you make a habit of checking it several times a day. A habit. One way to do this would be the strategy of using an anchor; for example: make a habit of checking it at each meal. Also, I have found it necessary to be sure that I write legibly when I enter something, not my scribbling. Otherwise it’s useless.

3. Your making a strategy now is an example of something good coming out of something bad. Or stated more graphically, a flower rising from the fertilizer. Or stated even more graphically – well, let’s  not go there.
4. If you miss wish to make  penance you could commit yourself to making a comment on post 871 or 872 when they appear. You’ll need to note this commitment in your appointment book or your calendar. Legibly.

5. I need to make a new strategy too. In the future when we make an appointment, I’ll will  you in time for you to leave. What would be the best time to call?

6. ADHD is a booger.

7.  You have been a big help to me and I  still owe you. (Tom helps edit my books.)

with love



PS O the Day:

I didn’t ask him, but if Tom missed three appointments in a row with me, do you think maybe he’s missing other appointments too?

Bonus PS  O the Day:

Tom and I had a great breakfast together this AM and he was only three minutes late. His strategy to set it on his alarm worked and he didn’t want me to call him, so he’s taking responsibility for dealing with his ADHD. Be like Tom.




Bonus Links:


ADDA info

@addstrategies  #adhd  #add  @dougmkpdp
@addstrategies #adhd #add @dougmkpdp


About doug with ADHD

I am a psychiatric physician. I learned I have ADHD at age 64, and then wrote two ADHD books for adults, focusing on strategies for making your life better. I just published my first novel, Alma Means Soul. Your Life Can Be Better; strategies for adults with ADD/ADHD available at amazon.com, or smashwords.com (for e books) Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD: 365 Tips O the Day ( e-book). This is one tip at a time, one page at a time, at your own pace. It's meant to last a year. As a child, I was a bully. Then there was a transformation. Now I am committed to helping people instead abusing them. The Bully was published in January, 2016. It's in print or e book, on Amazon.
This entry was posted in add, ADD problems or symptoms, ADD strategies, adhd, ADHD problems, ADHD strategies, dysfunctions. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Missed Appoinments – – – ADHD Tip O the Day 870

  1. Pingback: ADHD Excuses — ADHD Tip O the Day 947 | ADDadultstrategies

  2. Pingback: Ram’s Saga-Writing with ADHD — ADHD Tip o the Day 874 | ADDadultstrategies

  3. Thomas Woodward says:

    The temptation was to withdraw into my shame at missing the appointments with Doug. And how many occasions in my struggles with the consequences of my ADHD have drawn me towards that response to life? Here I trusted Doug’s capacity for forgiveness and his encouragement over the years to be accepting of my condition while looking for strategies to deal with it. This resulted in a victory! Tom


  4. rammkatze says:

    Good for you and good for Tom!
    P.S.- still working on that post about the focus competition. I did write the first paragraph, but I’ve been putting off looking for the pics. Shame on me… 😛


    • ram – please no shame. if its that hard you can let it go, the benefit is not worth it. or you can keep working on it if you want, there is no hurry.
      is it possible you are being a little bit perfectionistic?
      but please, no shame. some things are hard for us.
      best wishes


  5. holdthatthought says:

    you and Tom sound like great friends


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