(Not that kind)
With ADHD, we have many opportunities to feel shame. And we often contribute to that be being harshly critical of ourselves. And we often were subjected to shaming criticism as we were growing up (and after), so we learned how to do it.
But, if we watch out for it (spotting), we can learn to stop this damaging self abuse.
Instead of saying ‘that wasn’t very smart’, you can say ‘that wasn’t a good idea.’
A subtle difference, but belittling yourself is destructive.
Self esteem – how we value ourself
Self image – how we see ourself
Ideal self – how we think we ‘ought to be’
One source and measure of our shame is the distance between our ideal self and our self image.
Sometimes when I see someone playing the guitar well, I think I should just give it up. But wait, that professional practices or plays eight hours a day, six or seven days a week. Should I be comparing myself to them?
Question O the Day:
Should any of us be comparing ourself to anyone about anything? What is the benefit of that?
Tips O the Day:
- Be gentle and kind to yourself.
- Do not call yourself names. Dumb, stupid, etc. are words that should never be used about anyone (so is ‘should’).
- Some people think that the harsh approach helps drive them, or others, to do better. It doesn’t; it causes damage and impairment.
- If you are a parent, be careful how you correct your child. Label the behavior, not the child.
- Consider this – what is your ideal self? Is it realistic?