We Procrastinate
I’ve been needing to get my fingerprints done (don’t ask). At the Department of Public Safety, waaaay across town. I finally got all the paper work done and then carefully put it all in a manila folder. I labeled the folder so it wouldn’t get lost. I even double checked to see that it was all correct (Yea me!).
I made a commitment to get the prints done today. I did piddle around a while and time was slipping away, but I picked up the folder and set out. I drove waaaay across town and didn’t even get lost once.
We Screw Up
When I got to the Department of Public Safety, I picked up the manila folder and started to get out of the car. That’s when I noticed that it was the wrong manila folder.
I drove back home without incident. Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to go back and not do all that driving back to back? But that sounds suspiciously like procrastinating. And I’d rather get it done.
Sometimes We Do Good
So I drove back. Did I mention that it’s waaaay across town? Everything went smoothly. It was a good feeling to cross this off my to do list. It had been on there for a while.
Not Everything Is Our Fault
On the way back, along the same route, I got stuck in the wrong lane. I had to make a slight detour. No big deal. Then a guy in a big black SUV decided to cross in front of me. I stayed calm, did not curse, and made no hand gestures. I just slowed to let him cross. Instead, he decided to stop in the middle of the road. I slammed on the brakes. Another car was coming toward him from the other side. It could have been very interesting. But we stopped and he went on. Okay, I did make a hand gesture then but not the one you’re thinking of.
We Can Try To Keep A Positive Attitude
When I got home, I said to myself, “I deserve a drink.” But this is the week my wife is gone and I’m not drinking (See post 649). Then I said to myself, “Well, at least I can get a post out of it.”
doug
Optomistic Thought O the Day:
ADD ADHD has just been practice?
Something good comes out of everything.
Bonus Link O the Day:
Natural selection at work – so why are there so many of us still around?
(This is similar to the link that I lost. Still can’t find that one. )
A Heads Up:
The next post is a report on how I did while my wife was gone. Just in case you’ve been wondering.
@addstrategies #adhd #add @dougmkpdp
ADDadultstrategies 
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Hi Doug,
I see all over this post how your rules and habits protected you and helped you accomplish your goals. This is such a good example of the concept of life getting better. Thank you for your book and blog.
All the best, Scott
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scott- and thank you for your kind words and the comments you have contributed
doug
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Dear Vicki and Doug, I have just recently split from my partner of 30 years, who has been characterized as controlling, mean, unreasonable, etc… I have to agree, however, I can see more clearly how I did better in some areas with her around. After so many years, and my ever-present ADD, which will never go away, I can understand her hair-pulling yelling can’t-take-it-anymore frustration, at least to some degree. I know I deserve love and kindness, and peace and joy, just like we all do, and though I formed most of my last 30 years to conform to her, well, her needs as a controlling person… I know that even w ithout her, I will survive, and do ok… with my ups and downs, my forgetting basic things, with losing files that I knew beyone a shadow of a doubt exactly where they were… well, you understand… I think our spouses need to be special people. Though I am thinking of taking the next 30 years on the solo flight… but who knows, since when can an ADDer plan ahead, and decide on love, relationships, and living life, for the next 30 years? Say, Doug, is your header photograph of Montezuma’s Castle or maybe Walnut Canyon’s Sinagua dwelllings? I live right by Montezuma’s Castle, and I find it such a magical place, calming, spiritual, beautiful… Very nice picture, anyway… thx, Maggie
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maggie – you’re entering a new phase of life. Maybe you’ll identify what is missing or what you’ll need to continue to function and come up with strategies to fill in for that.
yes, our spouses have to be special. most people could not put us with us for long. and i think they kind of get pushed into controlling because of all our screwups, and sometimes it’s helpful to us and sometimes just annoying, and it may make it harder for us to get better.
the photo is mesa verde in colorado. tried to put a title on it but never could figure out how.
thank you for commenting.
good luck
doug
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Thanks for your post, Maggie. Most of the reason I am at home by myself is to work on finally knowing who I am. I’ve been married 32 years, and I need the space away from the patterns my husband and I have developed, in order to truly see what works for me. Without comments that feel critical to me, or ‘suggestions’ of what I should do.
I agree with Doug. I know I chose a man for whom being responsible was a primary trait. But I do believe he’s been unknowingly pushed to feel the need to be ever more watchful and in charge, without knowing why, for most of our years together.
I have had moments of shaking since I’ve been home, I’m so scared. Probably that I won’t find what works. Even though I know that despite my ADD foibles, I am able to take care of myself and get the basics done, I’ve never found work that fits me, that I’m able to stick with. But I’m looking for what gives me joy, and how I can be able to follow through on that and make it part of my life. And still sleep, feed myself on time, and all that other stuff.
So I’m off on a great adventure, and I’m also excited. Hopeful. And scared. If you’d like to converse more about our journeys, send me an email. Best wishes to you on your path.
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Why do we have to do everything the hard way?!
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homey – because we have the gift of ADD ADHD?
thanks for commenting
doug
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My husband is away in the rv. I went with him, but then flew back home to work on some things. I got obsessed with finding a rescue dog (didn’t get one) and trying to find out the identity of a guy who appeared locally and said he works for Johnny Depp and a whole string of other wild claims. I didn’t go to bed till 6 am Saturday because I didn’t leave the computer.
Sunday I was exhausted and told my husband by phone that I was going into the National Park right here in town. I was so tired when I got home I watched a movie and went to bed early. I did not want to get locked into electronics again, even by looking at my phone!
At 330 in the morning the doorbell rang. I live in a smallish town up in the mountains. Now who would be ringing my doorbell at 330 in the morning? It was the police! My husband had called them because he hadn’t been able to get ahold of me, and he hadn’t seen me on facebook posting anything, and he was afraid I got hurt in the park.
I was really embarrassed, and it felt like I was 12 again. But by being on my own, I can see the consequences of my behavior. With my husband here, he would have wandered out at 2 am when he woke up to see where I was, and I would have come to bed. Part of my purpose in being here is to see what kind of mistakes I make, and how they play out. So, it’s been interesting already.
Doug, I’m glad you got your chore done. We with ADD do seem to have strange but sort of entertaining lives, and I already have the inkling that I am one of those ADDer’s that maybe does better with someone around. But I’m hopeful that I can put some strategies in place, now that I can see where I need them.
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vicki – another ADD ADHD experience!
we need structure, and sleep – trying to have the same bedtime and get up time is highly advised, tho that is advice i do not follow. but i do try to make sure i get enough sleep.
i know that i function better when my wife is here, glad she’s back.
thank you for commenting
doug
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