“No” — ADD Tip o the Day 355

Bryan, in a post on his great website, ADDERWorld, a community  site for those of us with ADD or ADHD, talks about the usefulness of “No”.   We ADDers tend to take on too much, and we have trouble saying “No” to others, but also to ourselves.  We want to do it all.  This post is about saying “No” to others. 

I was privileged to hear Ann Lamott, one of my four favorite authors                                (Lamott, Annie Dillard, Gabriella Marquez, Jose Saramago)speak.  One of the points she made was that “No.” is a complete sentence.

AA also teaches about “JADE” – meaning you don’t have to justify, argue,defend or explain.  Just “No.”

“But why not?” 

“No.”

“But it would be easy for you.”

“No.”                      or sometimes – “What part of ‘No’ do you not understand?”

For those of us who have trouble with this (I personally don’t always find it easy, but generally easier than the alternative, doing something I really didn’t want to and then resenting it (as though the other person was to blame, rather than my taking responsibility for my caving in); as I was saying, for those who have trouble with this, I recommend    The Dance of Anger, by Lerner.

doug       

ADD,ADHD,adult ADD,adult ADHD,attention,deficit
Standing firm and solid.

bryan’s post on “No” and also to ADDerworld   clik

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About doug with ADHD

I am a psychiatric physician. I learned I have ADHD at age 64, and then wrote two ADHD books for adults, focusing on strategies for making your life better. Your Life Can Be Better; strategies for adults with ADD/ADHD available at amazon.com, or smashwords.com (for e books) Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD: 365 Tips O the Day ( e-book). This is one tip at a time, one page at a time, at your own pace. It's meant to last a year. As a child, I was a bully. Then there was a transformation. Now I am committed to helping people instead abusing them. The Bully was published in January, 2016. It's in print or e book, on Amazon.
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3 Responses to “No” — ADD Tip o the Day 355

  1. Pingback: Shannon’s Approach to the ADD ADHD Time Problem — ADD Tip O the Day 614 | ADDadultstrategies

  2. ? i replied earlier but where did it go???
    anyway, thank you for commenting. Yes, you just give ammunition if you give reasons; then they can argue with them.
    “no” “but why not?” “that won’t work for me.” “but why wont it?” “that won’t work for me.” “but surely it wouldnt be that hard, i dont see why you cant just this once”. “that won’t work work for me.” and so on.

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  3. I had a tip about that on my Facebook/Twitter pages. The gist of it was that you should say No. Don’t give any explanation except maybe, I’m sorry. I can’t do that right now.” The more you talk, the more opportunity you give the other person to overrule your reasons and then you end up saying YES.

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