OK, let’s be honest, we all do it, right? especially if we have ADD or ADHD. Linda spoke about it in her review (Tip 231) , she called it berating. Some of us refer to The Critic, others to the Negative Tapes or The Old Tapes – “Stupid. You can’t do anything right! You always mess up. You’re an idiot! You’re a failure.”
Any of this sound familiar? When the child drops the glass of milk and it breaks, in some families we say, “Whoops. We’re gonna need to clean that up. Then we’ll get you another one.” Other families say, “You idiot! Not again!! Can’t you do anything right?!? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you be careful? Do you know how much that cost?”
When we do this to ourselves, we may think it will drive us to improve, or that we deserve it, or that it will inspire us to move on. Or it may just be a habit that we’re hardly even aware of. In fact, it is demoralizing and makes it harder to do anything. “Why even try? it’s not gonna turn out any good anyway.” And it feeds depression which also makes it harder to do anything, which makes us more depressed. It is destructive. And, knowing what you know now, would you treat a child that way? Then why do it to yourself?
this can be changed, with strategies and work.